Durc's Story (Book 5 of 9) Dura's Journey
by RedRoseOfTexas
Summary: Heading south to find a land without winter, the young couple finds out that snow is not the worst thing life can throw at you. Meanwhile Durc searches for meaning in his new world without his daughter.


Originally posted on Archive Of Our Own July 27, 2019

Durc's Story (Book 5 of 9) Dura's Journey

Summary:  
Heading south to find a land without winter, the young couple finds out that snow is not the worst thing life can throw at you.  
Meanwhile Durc searches for meaning in his new world without his daughter.

Chapter 1

"Kick Kinidar, Kick!" Dura yelled over the raging storm. "I see the shoreline."  
He didn't respond. He was exhausted, barely able to cling to the remnant of the boat that helped them stay afloat. The instant thunder clap that accompanied the nearby lightning strike sent one last course of adrenaline through him, and he began kicking hard with only blind terror in his mind. The large waves pounded their bodies onto the wide sandy beach. Dura got to her feet and dragged the naked limp body of her traveling companion up beyond the reach of the waves that followed. The rain was warm, but she knew they could still succumb to the cold without shelter and fire. Finding dry tinder would be nearly impossible in the drenching rain. As she clutched the leather amulet hanging around her neck, she knew her fire stone might be able to save them.  
She ran up the hill of the beach and at the top of the dune looked for anything resembling shelter in the dark gray light of the stormy day. It was only sand hills as far as the eye could see in every direction except the sea behind her. She went back to Kinidar. His body was cold, but he wasn't shivering. She knew that was very bad. She couldn't tell if he still had a pulse in the pounding rain. She squeezed his sensitive private parts hard and got no reaction.  
He might already be dead, she thought bleakly, but still searched for a solution. She saw wreckage from the boat hitting the shore and being pulled back out. It was relatively dry wood she knew, but starting a fire would be impossible without tinder, or even a simple knife. Everything they had was gone. She had a momentary impulse to just lay down and let the storm take her too. Another nearby lightning strike made her jump up and she ran down and began collecting every scrap of the destroyed boat she could steal from the hungry waves pounding the beach.  
She used one piece of wood to dig a trench, piling the sand high to either side of Kinidar's motionless body. She began bridging the wood pieces over his body, stopping most of the rain from falling directly on him. She crawled into the makeshift shelter on top of him and began the familiar motion of her body against his, though this was for survival, not pleasure. She was not at all cold, her body burning energy at an extremely high rate to stay warm. She was surprised when he began to shiver and shake and she redoubled her efforts to create and transfer as much heat to him as she could. When the adrenaline ran dry, she collapsed in exhaustion.  
She woke to bright sunlight, and the feel of a steamy heat on her face. It was Kinidar's bad breath. Her body ached, and she felt the sand between their bodies scour the skin as she slid backwards out of her shelter.  
The powerful sun felt wonderful on her naked body. She began pulling the wood off of Kinidar, and then listened to his breathing and heartbeat. Both were strong, but she could not wake him up. Grabbing his genitals this time produced some painful reaction, but he remained in his sleeping state. She ran to the top of the beach again, hoping she could see further and find something for shelter, and now she was going to need water and food. The boat had been taking them to a settlement of people, and she knew the storm could not have blown them that far from the destination. But she didn't know which direction to go. It was nothing but sand hills to the horizon.  
She looked back toward Kinidar and she saw something floating in the water. She ran down and discovered the bloated body of one of the boatmen. Further down the beach was a large deer hide. It was part of the trade goods being carried south across the great sea. She dragged it ashore and spread it out to dry in the bright sunlight. She began removing the dead man's clothes. In a shirt pocket, she found a hafted flint knife.  
She chose a path based on the direction the sudden storm blew in, and rolled Kinidar onto the deer skin. She covered his body as much as she could to prevent sunburn. The dead man's wet clothes would keep Kinidar from overheating as well. She began the slow process of dragging him in the deerskin up the beach. She was parched by the time she rounded the long bend of beach and saw the settlement in the far distance. The sun was in her face, falling slowly to the horizon. The last thing she remembered was distant shapes of people walking her way.

Dura woke to a pair of large dark eyes. Soft fingers were pulling open her eyelids and peering in. She jerked away and sat up. She was in a small woven grass hut. The old man that had been examining her gave her a toothy grin. Kinidar was lying on another low bed against the far wall. She ran to his side, a little dizzy from the effort. He was naked except for a wet cloth laid across his forehead. She put her head to his chest to listen for his heartbeat. It was slow and strong. She kissed his lips gently and then stood and turned to face the old man. His skin was very dark, darker than Ranec of the Mamutoi. She studied the kindly eyes for any hint of malice. She saw none.  
She went to the doorway and looked out. It was a small village of similar woven grass huts of different size and shape. She could see the bright blue ocean in the distance. There were dozens of people, all but one with very dark skin. They were busy with various tasks, from cooking over a large central fire to weaving baskets to nursing children. There was almost no clothing on any of them. A few men had ornamental coverings on their head, a few women had decorative necklaces hanging between their breasts. One woman nursing a baby as she tended to cooking pot had a cloth covering her mound, tied with thin straps that went around each leg. Dura assumed this was to catch menstrual blood.  
The one man without dark skin was deeply tanned and wore a narrow breech clout. He was carrying a large basket down to the shoreline. There were people in the water with large nets, apparently fishing for their sustenance. It was hot, but in a very dry way. The sun beat down on the village, but there was a light breeze from the direction of the ocean. She felt a hand on her shoulder and he gently motioned her back to the bed. He handed her a small wooden cup with a bitter liquid in it. She sipped it, trying to recognize the medicinal qualities, but realized her thirst was still strong and drank it down. She slept until night. The moon was bright outside, but little penetrated the interior of this small hut. She went to the bed platform with Kinidar and lay down next to him. He stirred, but did not respond to her words. She could hear the ocean waves and his slow steady heartbeat.

"Dura. Dura, wake up." She came awake slowly, Kinidar's body twisting next to her. "Where are we?"  
She looked into his frightened eyes and smiled. The joy of knowing he had survived brought tears to her sleepy eyes. It was still dark, but the full moon now angled into the hut, and it was very bright. She kissed him deeply and moved her hand to his manhood, which responded despite his fear. She mounted him and gave them both a satisfying release. "I love you Kinidar." She said quietly, her head resting on his chest.  
"I love you too. Now can you tell me where we are?"  
"I don't know. It is the southern shore of the great southern sea. It is very hot during the day, and there is nothing to see but sand in every direction. The people here have really dark skin like the man I told you about. These must be his people. I didn't understand their language, but it should be easy enough to learn."  
"What about the others in the boat?"  
"One washed ashore after the storm. I don't know about the other two."  
"That storm came up so fast. It was so calm when we left, I thought for sure it was safe to cross."  
"Very little on this Journey will be safe. Are you thirsty?"  
"I think so, but I really need to pass water." Dura helped him up and led him out of the hut and down to the shore. She squatted and passed her water too, then washed herself with the warm salt water.  
She held him, looking out at the dark moonlit water. "Do you want to go back?"  
"Cross that thing again? No way. You said we could run around the eastern end. I'd rather do that. But not to go back, Dura. I am committed to this Journey with you no matter what happens. Did we lose everything?"  
"Almost everything."  
"So, we have no clothes to wear?"  
"They don't wear them here anyway."  
"Really?"  
"Can't wait to see all the naked dark women?" She grabbed his manhood and it responded to her touch. She realized she had no tea to prevent pregnancy, and wondered if she had already started a new life inside her. She led him back to the hut and gave him water from the bag the medicine man had left.  
They lay together, neither needing sleep, waiting for the dawn.

"Durc, I think the time has come to see what our future holds." Kotani was holding her swollen belly. He had never seen her scared before, but she was about as close to being scared as she would allow herself. He helped her put on the heavy winter outer clothing, and they ventured out into the bitter cold wind to go to Ayla and Jondalar's home. It was a spacious area well protected from the elements, and was both a gathering place, as well as an infirmary for Ayla to tend to patients. Durc paced nervously as the sounds of pain and strain emanated from behind the privacy screen. Jonayla came out occasionally to get water or other necessities, and smiled encouragement to her older brother.  
When he heard the little cry he peeked around the partition and saw his beautiful woman with a very bloody messy baby lying on her stomach. Ayla was cutting the cord and trying to deliver the placental mass. Kotani was propped up and looking down at the baby, gently wiping away the messy coating from the baby's back.  
Durc had seen Clan and half Clan babies born, but never a baby of the Others. He could not tell if this one had any Clan. It was dark red and the head was misshapen to a tall cone shape. He knew Dura was born with a lot of body hair, but not as much as a Clan baby. This one did not appear to have any except on the top of the cone shaped head.  
"I guess you are stuck with me." Kotani pronounced to Durc as she wiped the face of the tiny body.  
He came close and knelt next to her, leaning forward to see what she saw. He saw no Clan features at all. Jonayla picked the baby up and began a more thorough cleaning and he saw it was a boy.  
"Don't worry Durc, the head will not stay shaped like that." Jonayla said. "It happens sometimes and will become normal after a few days." Jonayla had never shown strong interest in her mother's medicine, but she learned those things that were critical to life, like childbirth and wound care. Durc looked at Kotani confused. She said she had been with no other, yet the baby was not his. Could his mother have been wrong about how babies start?  
Jonayla continued "I think when the forehead comes down, you will see the brow ridges more. She wrapped the baby in a clean skin and handed it gently to Durc. He traced the baby's face with his forefinger, and felt the bony protrusions under the skin. He doubted they would ever be noticeable. This baby was one part in four of Clan, and most traces were gone. Had he wanted a child to look more like him. Deformed like him? He was confused by this strange desire. The less Clan he had, the more normal his life would be. He wanted that for his son. This is what Latie's child would be, if she was indeed pregnant with his child when he left.  
Ayla came back after disposing of the after birth and checked to make sure the bleeding had stopped. "Durc, give her the baby and see if it will take her nipple." The baby latched on strongly and tears came to Kotani's eyes.  
"I never thought I would have this experience. I owe this all to you Durc." Kotani reached out and took his hand, tears streaming down her face. "I don't think I could have left you, even if the Mother gave me the child of another man's spirit. You have been far better to me than I ever deserved. I have said terrible things to you, and thought worse ones. I hope you want me to stay with you, and not just because we have a child together." He grunted with a curt nod and smile, then leaned forward to kiss her.

Chapter 2: Tragar

"I am Tragar. Do you understand my words?" The deeply man said slowly to Dura.  
"Some of them. We spend short time with Anduzans before crossing. I am Dura. This is Kinidar. We are Zelandonii. "  
"Ah, I know of people of north. The clothes you carried to camp were those of my friend Danivor. How did you come by them?"  
"Clothes from man in boat, wash ashore after storm. We near death too. I take clothes to prevent burn of Kinidar from sun. I sorry for take."  
Tragar had a pained looked when hearing of his friend's death. "I told him he would die making that crossing some day."  
"If he remove clothes, he might have survived like us. I told him, but he thought foolish. Storm come fast, not much time to think, but I know can't swim good in clothes. Two others in boat. Not come here either?" Tragar shook his head.  
"I guess I am stuck here now. I was hoping to return with him on his next crossing."  
"No other boats here?"  
Tragar shook his head. "Why were you in the boat?"  
"We Journey see far places."  
"That is why I am here, though I am at the end of my Journey." He pointed down the beach to the east. "That way nothing but sand for many moons walk they tell me." He pointed inland to the south. "That way dense jungle, where these people live. They come here to collect fish and salt." He pointed west. "That way is much like land on north side of great sea. Mountainous coastline, many rivers to cross. no people."  
"What is word 'jungle'?"  
"Like forest but many different kinds of plants with big leaves. Cannot see far distance. Many strange animals. Many dangerous animals. Many dangerous people. I was with five people on Journey. Only I survived. You should cross back with me if you can." Dura had not paid close attention to that part of Ranec's story, but it came back to her now why he and his father had left here and gone back to the land of the Mamutoi.  
Dura thought about her options. She knew she could probably swim back with a small raft to help stay afloat. She didn't think Kinidar could, and he would be scared to try. Even if she could make a spear thrower and spears, the jungle did not sound like a place where the weapon would be useful.  
"How you know no people on coastline?"  
"We walk that way for a moon. Not much food, few beaches to fish from. We give up and come back through jungle. Plenty food, but that is where the predators are."  
"What kind of trees on coast?"  
"Similar to what is in north." Dura knew that is the direction she was going.  
"I have knife, deerskin when I arrive. Where are they now?" Tragar led them to the leader of the group and translated. They did not want to give back her belongings, so she asked for just the use of the knife and a small piece of the deerskin. Within hours she had a functional sling and by nightfall had brought down dozens of seabirds. She traded them for the rest of the deerskin and the permanent possession of the flint knife. She learned a little of the jungle people's language, and they invited her to stay with them in their jungle home when they returned.  
Kinidar had no facility with language, so he was constantly left out unless she took the time to translate. She used Clan signs mostly to give him a rough idea of what was being said. When her moon time arrived and she knew no new life had started, she bid her new friends farewell. She and Kinidar headed west, following the coastline in little more than foot coverings. He carried a pack of dried fish and a water bag . She carried the few belongings she was able to trade her sling skill for.  
When the first forest came into view they made camp and began making spears and spear throwers. Kinidar's minimal education with flint was enough to make better tools and within a moon they had hunted and regained most of the necessary possessions for continuing the journey.  
Until Dura found the golden threaded plant again and was able to dry a sufficient supply, she chose to satisfy Kinidar's needs with her mouth. She was happy to return to their normal pleasures after she had her morning teas. Kinidar still requested her mouth on occasion, and always reciprocated if she let him.  
Whenever they had a river to cross, they ventured upstream and found plenty of food and a safer place to cross, but always returned to the relative safety of the unpopulated coast. Dura kept track of the moons and knew it was summer back home, but as they ventured south it became colder like winter. That made no sense to her, and she spent a lot of time thinking about it. Their inland trips no longer found jungle. They were great open plains, much like the grasslands of the Mamutoi. When she saw big gray mammoths, she thought maybe she had somehow circled around to the Great Ice Wall, though none was in sight. She tried to picture her travels in her mind, but there was no way to understand it completely. She had been following the coastline south, but south was the direction of the sun at midday, which was now north. It still rose in the east, and set in the west, but everything else was backwards.  
Kinidar let her make the decisions of where to go, he was content to follow and just help her. When the cold became too much, she decided to head east and drifted back to the north for warmer weather.  
(Travelogue savanna animals)  
They followed a large group of gray mammoths who always seemed to know where to find the next place with drinkable water. They saw a large mountain in the distance and headed toward it, amazed at how large and far away it truly was. They followed the river that spilled from the mountain north.  
They had traveled and hunted and rested for almost a full year, and they had not met any other humans. They had actually passed within miles of dozens of small groups. Had Dura spent more time looking for signs of human life, she probably would have found a few of them. However she loved to the movement, the constantly changing horizons.  
In Dura's estimation, they would see the sand mountains on the south side of the great sea within the next moon or two. She had expected to find the jungle home of the dark people long before now. She had an idea of how far north or south she had traveled by the angle of the sun overhead. The sun was almost directly overhead again, casting almost no shadow at midday. But she had no idea how to tell how far east or west things were. Traveling from the Mamutoi to the Zelandonii lands was going west. They had been told it would take a year, but it only took them a few moons. The others that had made the journey had traveled south first, then east.  
The two travelers were sitting on a high overlook having a midday meal. On the hillside was an enormous rounded boulder. When she saw how the shadow hit it, it looked much like the moon in the sky. It suddenly struck her that as the sun moved around the rock, part of it was daytime, part was a shadowed nighttime. When she thought about east and west on the big boulder, she realized that walking east at the bulging middle would take far longer than at the top. She immediately pictured the great ice sheet sitting atop the boulder like a headpiece, and pictured her father and her walking next to it. Her mind was reeling from the sudden understanding. She tried to put it in words to get Kinidar to understand. He just couldn't see it because he had not traveled along the great ice wall. They had walked and run for a year, but he still had little sense of where he was.  
She gave up and began to imagine where she had traveled on that big boulder. She picked up a piece of sharp stone and walked to the boulder and began scratching marks in it. It had not made sense when the map was flat, but it made perfect sense when the map was a sphere. She thought maybe they were near to the east end of the great sea. She had heard Ranec's story of his and Wymez' travels a dozen times. This was the great river he had described. She just knew it.  
"We need to cross this river."  
"With those giant lizards? No way."  
"We can go back upstream to the mountain. It isn't very wide there."  
"That's at least a moon back there." He sighed in resignation. "Whatever you decide."  
"What's wrong?"  
"Nothing."  
"Tell me."  
"I thought… I thought there would be more people. Everyone who talks about journeys talks about all the different people they meet. We've traveled a year without meeting anyone.  
"Maybe that is good. Tragar said the people here were dangerous. You don't understand what they say anyway."  
"I know. It's just so… I don't know."  
"You are lonely. All you have is me."  
"It's just not what I expected."  
"How would you like to go to a summer meeting with the Mamutoi?"  
"Could we? How far is that?"  
"The summer meeting is in about seven moons. We might be able to make it there by then."  
"Seven moons!"  
"We will meet other people before then. There are many people where this river empties into the great southern sea. At least I think it is this river. Do we cross here, or do we go back to the snow mountain?"  
"Can we swim tomorrow. I want to have extra good pleasures with you before I end up in the belly of one of those lizards." She did make them extra special, and they swam across mid day without any sign of the dangerous predator. She didn't know there were dozens of even more dangerous animals in that river from snakes to hippos. But they got out of the strong river dozens of miles downstream and built a fire to dry off. He gave her extra special pleasures having survived yet another brush with death.

Chapter 3: De Nile

In the morning there were a dozen men standing at a distance watching them. Their long spears stood tall at their sides, but they did not seem menacing. Dura approached them, palms up to show she meant no harm to them. One of the men handed his spear to the man next to him and mimicked her gesture stepping forward to meet her. They wore minimal clothing, but it was highly decorated showing their relative cultural wealth. She was still naked from the previous night's pleasures, but that just further demonstrated her harmlessness. Kinidar put his minimal traveling clothes on, his spear thrower within easy reach.  
She put her hand on her chest and said her name.  
He smiled and did the same. "Gomon."  
They repeated each other's names a few times until their pronunciations were satisfactory. Then Dura put her hand to mouth and waved her hand toward their camp fire, inviting them to eat a morning meal with her. She didn't have much food, but there was enough, and plenty of animals to replace the food with. He turned and said some words to the others and they broke out in laughter. He followed her back to the campfire and she used Clan signs to tell Kinidar to get out some food. He did so and sat in a kneeling position, still within reach of the spear thrower.  
The other hunters stayed where they were, but turned to scan the horizon, obviously looking for game. One pointed and they ran off toward it. The leader sat on the offered deerskin and accepted the food. Dura began pointing and making motions, asking for his words to go with the objects and actions. By the time his hunters returned with several small game animals, she was having a stilted conversation with Gomon, leader of the Jamanar tribe.  
"Do you know how far to great sea?"  
"Told walk two moons, never go there. Faster in boat, but hard to make boat go up river."  
She smiled and nodded. "We swim across river day before. Never be in river so big and fast."  
"River no swim. Too dangerous. Many ways to die besides drowning." He began to describe all the ways she and Kinidar could have died in their swim. She did not translate that for Kinidar.  
"You come stay with tribe?"  
"If welcome?"  
"Yes welcome. Much welcome." He looked at her still naked body with open desire. She wanted the muscular, confident man as well. It would be a delicate thing unless Kinidar also had someone to share pleasures with.  
She asked Kinidar, and he was very enthusiastic. He didn't care if they turned out to be cannibals. He craved human contact.  
As they followed the hunters back to the camp, she began to explain what she had not translated for him during the long language learning conversation. He had seen the way the man looked at her body, much more shapely now than when Kinidar first enjoyed it.  
"You may be required to share pleasures with one or more of the women. They don't call it a mother festival, but it is similar."  
"You will be with others too?"  
"I may have to be. We don't have to go with them."  
He thought for a long time. "I am afraid you will find someone better."  
"I already have found someone better." His eyes went wide in panic. "You. Every time with you it gets better for me. Imagine how great it will be ten years from now."  
He still had some fear, but the idea of being with a strange exotic woman excited him. He knew she not only wanted him to be with others, she liked hearing about it. This made her all the more passionate with him.

Kotani held her head high, despite the dirty looks she got at the Zelandonii summer meeting. Her baby was subtly mixed, but obvious to anyone looking closely. She was now an outcast among her people, but she was no longer Zelandonii. She had a place among the Lanzadonii that was in many ways superior to her life at the 29th cave. She had skipped the previous year's summer meeting because she was afraid of exactly what was happening now. She also had not been sure of her position at the Lanzadonii. Her tracking skills were highly valued, and by the end of summer she was put in charge of all hunting for the Lanzadonii people. Durc was happy to stay home and tend to the child, though he occasionally went along on the overnight hunts so that the baby could nurse.  
"I heard Donii finally blessed you with a child, Kotani." The younger woman approached and put a hand on the arm carrying the child. "Oh." She said in surprise. "What a…an interesting looking child."  
"It's all right, Melora. You can say ugly."  
"Oh no, I would never say that. It is the blue eyes, you don't normally see that on a…"  
"Mixed child? I know what he is Melora. You don't have to be nice. Nobody else is bothering."  
"Kotani…" Kotani wanted to just walk away, but somehow she needed to make this woman find the words the others didn't have the courage to say. "Kotani, I miss you." She said, tears coming to her eyes. She reached out and touched the child's face, pinching the cheek. "Can I hold him?" She took the boy in her arms and cooed to him and tickled his pudgy belly. Kotani was both surprised and moved. "He is a solid little man. He is going to be a great hunter like his mother."  
"How are things with Kodaran?"  
"I severed the knot last fall. I could not take another night of him coming home full of booza."  
"That's too bad. Hoping to find a new mate at the summer meeting?"  
Melora turned and looked her in the eye. "That is why I was looking for you Kotani. I thought maybe our children could be hearth mates. They are only a year apart. The fourteenth cave would welcome another hunter with your skill."  
Kotani laughed, then saw the hurt in Melora's eyes. "You're serious? Two women mated? That is almost as bad as mating a flathead and having a mixed child. I am already a pariah here. You want me to make it even worse and then stay here among them?" She reached to take Kurc back from the young woman.  
"I could move my hearth to the Lanzadonii." She said desperately, carefully handing the child back to her. "Since we shared… I cannot stop thinking about you. I want to be with you so much."  
"You poor girl. It was just pleasures. Why do you want to make it more than it was?"  
"You know that's not true." Kotani's facade cracked a bit as she saw that beautiful determination in her eyes. "Tell me the truth. You owe me at least that."  
Kotani looked away. "It doesn't matter Melora. I am already mated. I am happy. Find someone who can make you happy."  
"I already did." She pulled the tall woman close and stood on tip toes to deliver a passionate kiss, then ran away crying.  
"That was interesting." Durc said, strolling up behind his mate and rubbing the top of his child's head. "Another of your broken hearts?"  
"Yes." she said absently, looking after the running woman until she was out of sight. She ignored all the people around her staring. She could not possibly care less what they thought of her.  
"A woman with man's urges?" Durc asked.  
"No, just a woman in love with what she cannot have."  
"You or her?"  
She turned and looked at him then smiled. "Wouldn't you like to know."  
"Have you had enough of this yet?" He asked, hoping to leave soon.  
"Not at all. I want everyone to know. I want them to be confronted with their prejudice and stew in it." She leaned down and kissed him deeply to the shock of all around them.  
The Zelandoni who was First appeared then with several other of the Zelandonia. "This abomination is inappropriate at our summer meeting. Come with us and answer to the council."  
"Go swim in your own filth, you old hag. You are the abomination here." Kotani said loudly. Durc tried to pull Kotani away from the confrontation with no success.  
"How dare you. Donii has already condemned your vileness by giving you a child of mixed spirits."  
"No, it was this man's little cock that gave me my handsome child. Take your pretended understanding of the world and go sell it to the sheep that blindly follow you."  
"Take her to the council." The other Zelandonia were frightened of the large angry woman, and had no desire to force her to do anything.  
A few men stepped forward "We'll help you Zelandoni." they offered, relishing the chance to remove this abomination from the public eye. As they stepped forward they heard the low rumble of a growl as Wolf pushed his head passed Kotani's arm and bared his teeth at them.  
Ayla stepped forward. "The Zelandonia needs to resort to physical force to compel people? How completely demonstrative of your weakness, Zelandoni. I think you are in need of new leadership." She stared down the old woman.  
"Who would that be? You?" She spat.  
"No, I am Lanzadoni, First of those who serve the Great Earth Mother. Several more of your acolytes have requested to come train with me. They don't believe they are serving the people well under your leadership. Perhaps you have forgotten the purpose of your position."  
"I have forgotten nothing. You don't serve the Mother, you serve the dark underworld that you crawled out of. You and your abomination."  
"She does not look well." Ayla said to the Zeladonia surrounding her. "I suggest you take her to her tent for some rest."  
"You don't order them, I do."  
"I wasn't ordering them, I was asking them to serve you. I only wish you understood the difference." They took her arms and escorted her out of the gathered crowd.  
"Now have you had enough?" Durc asked Kotani.  
"I guess that is more than enough excitement for one day." She patted the big wolf's head. "Thank you Wolf." He licked her hand and sniffed and licked the child she was holding. She put her ugly toddler to her breast and proudly walked out of the crowd.

They were dancing around the fire to the beat of several drums. Dura was intoxicated by the exuberance of these people. They were so full of life and not concerned with what tomorrow would bring. This was because they had no need to plan for a winter that would never come. The earth provided ten times what they needed to survive. They only had to beware the dangers that accompanied that abundance of life. Dura felt a kinship with them she had never felt anywhere. She knew her Journey would continue, but if it had to come to an end eventually, she wanted it to end here, with people like this.  
Kinidar was surrounded by beautiful women, dancing for his attention and affection. The genetic desire for something new and different was buried deep in the drives of all animals, not just humans. The men laughed at his feigned attempts to escape the hands of their women. They all desired his strange woman, and welcomed the exchange openly.  
Dura went to him and kissed him, then chose for him the one he was to be with. He left with a smile of gratitude. She then went to the leader and removed what remained of her clothes to the delight of the surrounding men. They each took their turn with her, some more than once, and some more than one at a time. She was lost in an ecstasy as primal as the human race.  
Before they left to continue their Journey, Kinidar had been with each and every woman multiple times, even the old and young. He was unable to watch their taking of Dura at first, but then joined in on their giving her ultimate pleasure. They believed that a baby was built by the combination of all the men's essences, deposited in endless copulatory sessions.  
Dura knew her tea truly was magic when she bled at each regular interval. Kinidar was reluctant to leave after three moons, though he still had learned very little of the language.  
Dura had learned most of what she would encounter by following the river down to the great sea. There were several different tribes and many dangers. She chose to bypass them without telling Kinidar, hoping to not get stuck in another place learning another language. She followed a tributary east and then crossed a small desert to an oasis one of the hunters had described. It was a sacred place and the geologic markers were well defined and unique.  
It was a lush garden with plentiful resources. Again, they were reluctant to leave, returning to the endless sands of the desert. They began taking long day trips in each direction until they found the great sea to the north west. They gorged themselves one last time and set out northwest. They spent a few days at a seaside village, and then entered the tundra of her birth. She knew the peninsula all too well. Within two moons of leaving their desert oasis, she was walking up the familiar trail to the cave where she was born.

Chapter 4: Home

"This woman greets the leader Groban." Dura motioned after he had tapped her shoulder.  
"Durc walks the spirit world? I had hoped for his safe return." Groban said, eying the strange man of the Others.  
"No. He lives among the Others with his mother."  
"Isn't he too old to be living with his mother?" Dura was put off by the lack of smile accompanying the humor.  
"He happy, miss Ura much."  
"We miss Durc much. Not prosper as when he lead us. I not as good a leader as he was."  
"May I speak with Uba?" Dura asked.  
"Yes, visit with your family Dura. Save good stories for ceremony of return."  
Uba had been watching, barely able to contain herself in wanting to greet Dura. She rushed forward and embraced the young woman tightly. "Durc with Ayla? Not in spirit world? How is my sister?"  
"All are well. At least they were two years ago. I have been on long Journey. Much further to go."  
"You not stay?"  
"No. This Kinidar. He is my… mate."  
"Greetings Uba", he motioned, happy at last to be able to converse with strangers.  
"Greetings Kin… Kindar"  
"I have heard so much about you, about all of you." He said, still uncomfortable among the strange looking people. Uba began introducing them. Dura already knew her younger brother and was holding him tightly, though he had no memory of her. Even though he was mixed like her, he did not speak. She thought about trying to teach him, but knew it would have no value here. Dura wanted to move on, hoping to make the summer meeting of the Mamutoi, but she was strangely content in her original home. She helped them hunt, bringing down years' worth of meat with her spear thrower. She also gave Groban several fire stones and showed them how they were used. As a former traveler, he knew the value of instant fire far from home. They found dozens more in a nearby riverbed. Groban knew this would ensure their top status at the next Clan gathering.  
After a long visit, they set out north, knowing it would be smarter to stay there for the winter. Dura had an advantage over the last time. She knew exactly where she was going, and she did not have to wait for Durc to catch up. Kinidar was as strong a runner and swimmer as she was, and when they traveled light, they could cover ten times the distance Durc and her could in a day. Uba was very sad to see her go again, but went back to her life with stoic aplomb.  
Even though it was only mid day, Dura insisted they stop at the lean to shelter where she had nursed her father back to health. They had not been alone in a warm place for more than half a moon and Dura needed to share special private pleasures with her mate. They had not mated before they left, but she felt they were now.

When they arrived at Lion camp, the Mut statue was guarding the entrance. "They must still be at the summer meeting. They won't mind if we have some of their food. Get a fire started there, and I'll get some Bison."  
"Good, I am starving."  
They ate until they couldn't eat any more, then Dura lit a few more fires so she could see better. She began cleaning up the mess that a few small animals had made. They slept in the mammoth hearth bed, sharing pleasures the next morning after getting a full night's sleep. It was midday before they got themselves together to begin a run up north to the summer camp.  
"Can we start tomorrow morning." Kinidar asked as they began packing. "I could use another good night's sleep.  
"That might be better. We could possibly make it in a single day. Then we wouldn't need to carry sleeping furs. It gets even more cold at night when you get close to the great ice wall. They rested and ate some more Bison when they heard the rumbling of hooves nearby.  
"Something we can hunt?" Kinidar said excitedly.  
"I don't think so." She ran out the main entrance just as Latie pulled up to the entrance of the horse hearth. "Latie!"  
It took her a minute to get over her shock. "Dura? Oh Mut, is it really you?" They ran and collided in a strong embrace. Latie lifted her and spun her around. "Is Durc here too?" she asked excitedly, wondering who the tall boy was.  
"No, he stay with Ayla. This is Kinidar. We are on a long Journey." She said the Mamutoi words, and also used the hand signs to translate.  
"Very long Journey." Kinidar confirmed with a smile. "Very nice to meet those I have heard so many stories about." Again, his Clan signs made him able to converse with complete strangers.  
Latie extended her hands in a formal greeting. "Welcome Kinidar, very long traveler."  
"Are you returning from summer meeting, is it over?"  
"Not for another half moon. I just like to ride, and this is a safe place to spend the night."  
"We were going to run there in the morning. If you are going back, we will run with you. Horse grow up big."  
"That's right, she was tiny when you brought her to me and then left. You also have a sister. She is so beautiful like you. She stay with man of hearth. He doesn't like Durc baby much, but I don't care. I love her. He needs to learn to love, or he not come back here for winter. Are you cooking? I'm starving."  
She led the horse inside and put water and grain in bowls. "We cleaned up the mess left by animals."  
"That's one of the reasons I like coming back. I don't want any big animals thinking they can move in and eat all our winter stores. Last year we came back and wolves had moved in and gorged themselves."  
"It is dangerous for you to come back alone and maybe find wolves." Kinidar motioned.  
"Yes, but more dangerous to not have food for winter. I am co-leader of this camp. It is my responsibility."  
"Only a couple Zelandonii stealing some of your bison." Dura said. They sat down and ate and they told her the highlights of their journey so far.  
Dura could tell all she really wanted to know was how is Durc. Finally she asked. "How is my hairy little man? I miss him so much. I hope he is miserable without me."  
"He was definitely miserable without you."  
"Was? He found someone?" She seemed sad at this.  
"He found someone, but not a good someone. I don't like her much. When I leave she was pregnant, maybe have Durc baby."  
"I guess I am happy for him. I really hoped he would come back some day. I guess he won't."  
"I talk with Durc about love before I leave. He tell me he love you this," She held up all ten fingers. "and love new woman this. "Dura extended her pinky just a little. This made Latie laugh, but she was still sad.  
"I guess I will always have a little piece of him here with me in our child. How long did it take you to get to the Zelandonii? More than a year?"  
"Less than three moons."  
"Did you fly?"  
"No, we follow great ice wall all the way. Very short that way."  
"I could do that…" Latie said, wondering if it was true.  
"Many Clan, not safe."  
"But I speak signs, I can talk to them." Beginning to believe she could be with Durc again.  
"Clan not respect women. Many troubles with Others. Not safe for you."  
"Would it be safe if you went with me?"  
"Maybe, but we go east."  
"You don't want me to go." She said, dejected.  
"You probably not happy there. All your family here. Better you stay here with family."  
"I am not happy here. Not happy for a long time except for time with Durc."  
"Too late to travel now anyway. We like stay here for winter. We talk about and think about. If you need to go next summer, we will take you."  
Kinidar got really excited. "Really? Home?" It was then that Dura decided she would go, and leave Kinidar there in his homeland. He had provided little support on the Journey except someone to talk to on lonely nights. The trip east would be even lonelier without him, but better that than worrying about his safety all the time.  
(Mamutoi winter)

The following summer Dura, Kinidar, and Latie with child and horse arrived at the Clan gathering more by accident than intention. Dura remembered the way to Guban's cave, but had to go further south than before because of the advancing ice sheet. Dura saw the big fires and realized what it was from a far distance. There was a chance Durc would be at that gathering, so she couldn't just go around it. As they approached, several enormous brutish Clan men ran out to challenge them, spears ready. Word traveled quickly through the gathering about a woman on a horse. Durc knew Ayla had not planned on attending, and thought it must be something terrible to make her come. Perhaps bad news about Dura, or Kotani. The last thing he expected was what he saw.  
"Dura? Latie? Am I dreaming?"  
Dura was overcome with the sight of her father. She had maintained a distance specifically so her homesickness would not cloud her judgment. It was one of the reasons she resisted this side trip. Now confronted with the most important person in her life, she broke down and cried. Latie was also overcome with emotion at the sight of her love. Kinidar had backed up when confronted by the big men with spears. When he saw Durc, he relaxed a little, though he was still ready to run fast in the other direction.  
The man raced forward and lifted his thin daughter off her feet. He hugged her with a crushing force. He turned and looked with unbridled joy at the sight of the woman on the horse's back. It was then he noticed what she held in her arms. He pushed Dura away and went to see the toddler wrapped tightly in warm clothing.  
"Her name is Durie. It was a difficult birth, just like letting you go was. As soon as I saw her, I knew she was from your spirit. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Is there any room in your life for us?"  
He took the child from her arms and she squirmed to get down. Then she reached out and pulled on Durc's beard. He turned back to Dura and saw Kinidar standing back. "I guess you didn't need to outrun him after all." He turned and motioned to the hunters to go back and leave his family alone. The crowd did move back, but they did not stop watching the strange new visitors. Latie got off the horse and held her arms out. The child ran to her. She was more beautiful than he remembered. How had he left this woman?  
"You not find man at summer meeting."  
"I find, he wasn't you. I only want you." His face clouded when he remembered Kotani. "You found someone else? That is good. I am happy for you. Can you spend some time with me before I go back?"  
His head was spinning. He looked at Dura and realized she was also only here temporarily. Had she come all the way just to bring Latie? He couldn't let either of them go, though he knew deep down neither had a place in his world, nor he in theirs.  
"Father, it is good to see you again." Dura spoke their made up language so Kinidar could not understand. "There is much to say, but now is not the time. I am taking Kinidar back to his family. I will return in half a moon." She switched to Zelandonii. "I will take Latie back to her people if that is what you decide. Will you stay here and protect her?" He grunted, annoyed at the stupid question. "Please ask Guban if we will have safe passage to the mountain path." He nodded and strode back toward the crowd. There was a lot of agitated gesturing and then Durc returned with a young Clan man she recognized from Korg's Clan.  
"He will go with you to pass." Durc thought for a few seconds, and then switched to Mamutoi. "You will be safe if alone when return. Maybe safe for him if he not stay there. Bring no Others this way. Much trouble, much sadness, much danger. Guban happy to have woman on horse so they stop calling him liar. Better if she was blond."  
"I will see you soon father. Make the most of this opportunity." The three young runners headed south around the edge of the gathered crowd.  
"You wish I was a blond?" Latie said, smiling.  
"No, Guban. Leader of one of the caves. When Ayla come this way, much south, she help heal his broken leg. He tell everyone blond women on horse fix his leg. No one believe. Now they believe. Believe more if you were blond." Latie giggled with delight. "We go up river, make camp. Make talk."  
"Make pleasures." Latie said, climbing onto her horse, then pulling her daughter up in front of her. They talked as Durc walked alongside her. They set up her small shelter and made love as the child slept comfortably next to them.

"If you won't come back with me to Lion camp, why can't I come to this Lanzadonii? Surely Ayla would welcome me." Latie asked.  
"We would all welcome you. But why do you want to give up your family and your life?"  
"Durie has brought down the status of the camp, many have left. Nobody joins us because we are not lucky. I probably won't be leader soon. Never liked being leader anyway. It was all Danug wanting to run the camp. Now you tell me why I don't belong with you."  
"I have a mate and a child."  
"I don't mind being a co-mate. If she loves you, we have that much in common. You don't think she would want me there?"  
"I don't know. She gave up everything to have my child and be with me. I cannot just push her aside because I love you more."  
"Then I will go home. I would like to go home with another Durc baby. Maybe a brother this time? Please pleasure me until Dura comes back. Maybe that will start a new life inside me."  
"You want another baby to further lower your status?"  
"No, I don't care about status at all. I want you and your babies in my life. I will settle for just your babies."  
"Did you say good bye to your family before you came here?"  
"I told them I might not come back if you wanted me to stay. I think some prefer that. You tell me my baby will not be outcast in your Lanzadonii, I think that is where we belong. I'll be your second woman, or even your seventh woman. I'll be happy to just know that you are nearby and want to spend time with your daughter."  
"If I never come to Lion camp, you not lose status. You not lose status, you happy. Better you never know me."  
"Oh Durc, if you only knew how untrue that is."  
"You tell me true, then I know. Then maybe Latie become Durc first woman, Durc only woman. Many reasons I not stay. One is you not trust me with true. You not trust me, I am not person you need."  
"I don't want to tell because I don't want to think about it, but I think about it all the time. I don't tell you because I don't want you to pity me, but you pity me already. I don't tell you because it will not help, but you help with all. I am a fool Durc."  
"Durc agree." He got up and dressed and went outside to build a fire. It would be dark eventually, even though nights were very short here. Fire would keep away predators and protect the horse who was grazing in the nearby field. He wandered collecting as much deadfall as he could find while Latie made dinner and fed the child.  
They settled down again in the shelter and Durc waited. It was a long time before she started talking.  
"Many boys were pursuing me at the summer meetings. I was pretty, our camp was among the highest status, and I was foolish enough to think everything would always be perfect. Many boys pursue, very few I share pleasures with. I didn't enjoy first rites. They say it is rare to enjoy them, but I pretend to enjoy so everyone would think I am special. Normal not to enjoy, not normal to be sickened by them. The man they chose for me was good looking, but older and had bad breath. I think he drank booza because he was nervous. Because I pretended it was good, the watcher woman did not stop him, did not get someone better. When I tried with boys, I continue to pretend, but not feel right, much pain, felt sickened by it.  
"Over the winter I talk with old Mamut and he teach pleasure self, understand body. When I am seventeen I still pretend to be normal, but I am not in many ways. Mother set bride price and marriage to another high status man was arranged. This was pushed on me because Danug wanted to take over leadership. I was not blessed with a child, and I thought it was because I got sick even when I thought of a man inside me. Several men agreed to pay bride price, but backed out after sampling my pleasures, or lack of them because it became more difficult to hide it.  
"I finally enjoyed pleasures for the first time when I was twenty two. He was from a far away camp that didn't often come to our meetings. He was four years younger and loved hearing my stories about the horses. He shared my desire for capturing one. Then I was blessed with a child and everything was arranged and we got mated. I was so happy and everything was wonderful.  
"After we returned from the summer meeting, we went looking for horses. It was the wrong time of year, but I loved the adventure. I loved my mate. We were able to chase a mother and child horse into a surround and he killed the mother. The way Ayla described it, the baby horse just followed her and Ayla became the mother. But this horse was probably older than Ayla's horse. It kicked and fought and did not want us anywhere near it. It finally calmed down by morning and I was able to approach it and put a harness around its neck. As soon as my mate opened the gate it bolted. I should have known better than to hold on, but I didn't want it to get away after we worked so hard. I finally let go but…"  
Latie started openly weeping, Durc held her tighter until she could continue. "I lost the baby. I bled for weeks and finally the dead baby came out. It was horrible. I almost died too. I wished I had. He felt guilty about it, I felt guilty about it. We just never reconnected. He left before the following summer meeting and went back to his camp far away.  
"I tried pleasures again once but it made me sick. And then you came into my life. You knew so much pain like I had, though different, I just felt comfortable with you. I don't even know what made me want to try pleasures with you. It just felt right. When you almost killed yourself afterward I thought I was doomed to be alone. I guess maybe I am, because you left me. Now I am here desperately trying to force my way into your life when you clearly don't want me in it. I will head back home tomorrow."  
Durc held her, now with a better understanding of her pain.

Dura thought about just running off in the morning, disappearing from Kinidar's life. She could say she was going to visit Marthona, and eventually he would realize she wasn't coming back. He deserved better. On his third day back, after most of the stories had been told and he was comfortable with being home, she took him up to where they shared their first rites ceremony. She recreated it, and in the afterglow of perfect pleasure she began talking.  
"Kinidar, my life is complete because of you. You made me feel like I was a normal girl when no one else would. You shared my passion for running and we ran around the world. You gave me first rites with pleasures. You gave me pleasures so many times, I cannot remember them all. You filled my life with pleasures, and not just ones in the furs. You also shared your pleasure with others with me. Most difficult you share my pleasures with others with me. I know that was difficult for you. You worry I don't want you anymore because of someone better. No one is better for me than you have been. I love the feel of you, the smell of you, the taste of you."  
He was smiling up at her. He thought she wanted to mate him at the upcoming matrimonial. He had hinted at it several times. In some ways she did. A life here with him would be difficult, but it would not be a bad one. She thought about the Jamanar tribe. A lifetime pleasured by all men, not just one. Treasured by all men no matter how she looked. Being back among the Zelandonii reminded her how ugly she is to the Others. In Lion camp, those that remained treated her like a normal person, but none of them would be interested in sharing her furs. If she stayed it would only be Kinidar and running around this place with these people. Kinidar would be treated as normal, despite his connection to her, as long as she was no longer here. It would be bad for him if he had a child of mixed spirits. He will find someone, perhaps go to her out of the pain of losing Dura, and make normal babies and live a normal life. He wants children, and his children with her would always be outcasts, and so would he by association.  
"Kinidar, our long Journey together is over." When she saw the look of happy excitement on his face, she knew she had made the right decision. "You helped me live my dream. And for that I owe you everything. Your life is here with your people and many children."  
"Yes Dura. I want you to have my children. We will be so happy together." She once again thought disappearing would have been easier, but only for her. He would waste his life waiting for her.  
"Your life is here with your people." she repeated. "Mine is not. It should be obvious to you with all the pleasure I shared with you and others, that I cannot have children."  
"But maybe the Mother was just waiting for the end of your Journey."  
"That's not how it works, but Kinidar, I do not want children. I have seen how children like me are treated, and I will not condemn any more to that fate. We have lived an extraordinary life together. We survived a Journey longer than maybe anyone has ever gone on, including Hoshiman. We have seen and experienced things no Zelandonii ever has. No one can take that away from us. Share your stories with your many children. Tell them about the first woman you loved, and encourage them to live extraordinary lives like you have. I know we will miss each other terribly, and I know on those cold nights I will regret my decision to leave you here. But on our Journey you left all the decisions to me. This is just another one of those decisions. Accept it. Treasure the time we had. Do not yearn for the future we won't have. It would be wasting the gift we have given each other."  
He started to protest, desperately sought the words to make her stay. He knew she was right. He was done traveling, and she was not. "Maybe you will come back?"  
"No, I will not. If I return to anyplace, it will be the Jamanar tribe where they saw me and my deformity as a beautiful body to be worshiped and pleasured, just as you have. But I will not return to any place. My next stopping place will be the spirit world, where we will meet again and share the story of our different paths. I will meet your mate and your children and we will all know the real reason we all walked this great earth for a short time. Now Kinidar, give me last rites. Pleasure me like it is the last time you will ever touch me, because it will be."  
He cried for a long time, holding her tightly, not wanting to let her go. Then he began kissing and memorizing every part of her body. He had a confidence now that he never had before their Journey. He knew how to pleasure her and he did so. He held himself back, talked to her the way she liked, hoping that it would be worth staying here for.  
In the morning he gave her a hopeful look. "That was the best Kinidar. I envy the women you share furs with for the rest of your life. Never limit yourself to just one. They should all know what a perfect lover, a perfect man you are. Goodbye Kinidar." She kissed him and ran down the path and out of his life.

Chapter 5: New Horizons

When Dura neared the top of the mountain path, there were three young Clan hunters sitting guard around the fire. She recognized one from Korg's Clan, different than the one that accompanied Kinidar and her to this crossing point. She wondered if she should bow and subvert herself to them. One of the other's stood and motioned.  
"I greet the woman Dura. We were sent to guide and protect you from the land of the Others. Join us and warm by the fire. We make this fire with your fire stone. It is powerful magic."  
"It is powerful magic, brave hunters. This woman is grateful to have a place to warm herself on this cold mountain." She sank and sat cross legged across the fire from them. She was not dressed warmly enough to stay up here for the night, hoping to get down before the sun set.  
"I am Soran of Ladok's Clan." She had never heard either of those names. "This is Harg of Guban's Clan, and you know Noran of Korg's Clan."  
"This woman greets you all. Have you been here long?"  
"The leaders sent us the day after you left." Dura thought about it. They have been up here for five days with no woman to cook for them? They must be eating traveling food she guessed.  
"This woman is sorry you miss Clan Gathering because of me. There is no woman to cook for you?"  
He looked at the others. "No. Another group would be up to take our place in a few days." She genuinely felt bad for them. She wasn't even planning on being back this way for another five days.  
"We should leave now then?" She asked, as strongly as she dared.  
"Dark soon, not safe to climb down this side." She nodded. She knew this side was far more treacherous.  
"This woman will return." She got up and ran back the way she came. An hour later, as the sun was hitting the western horizon she returned with a gutted small mountain goat over her shoulder. She knelt and cut the choicest parts of the goat out with her knife and built a small tripod over the fire for the meat to cook on. The men looked at her suspiciously. They had not seen her use a weapon, but knew she did not just find the animal laying by the path. Dura had left the head with the tell-tale stone injury at the place it fell along with the entrails. The smell of the fresh food overcame their fear of eating an animal that fell to a woman using a weapon. It probably helped that she wore Zelandonii clothing, so she was not seen as Clan.  
"Will the brave hunters tell me of the troubles with the Others?"  
Noran spoke up. "It is not your people. They stay away from Clan land. It is that side of mountain. Three Clan's gone. No sign of them. Runner find cave, plenty of supplies, no people. We think Others hunt them." Dura knew of the Others on the other side of the glacier. Ayla met Guban because of a violent encounter with them. She nodded understanding.  
"Others have strange ways. This woman was raised a Clan girl until Durc took me on this long Journey. I lived with Others for two winters. At first it was hard for this woman to be near them. Most of them hate Clan, think we are animals, not smart. They do not understand that hand movement is talking. Some change mind about Durc and this woman because we can make words like them, not just Clan signs. Making their words is part of this woman's deformity. This woman knows she is ugly woman to you because of my deformity. Others think this woman is ugly too. They also think this woman is evil spirit because of my deformity. To them it is forbidden to even touch me because they may catch sickness."  
They discussed other differences between the two peoples. She was surprised how the men treated her, not as a subservient Clan woman, but almost an equal. She wondered if the Clan would better prosper if the women were given more power, more agency in the decisions made. Her Clan had done better under her father's more liberal leadership, but most clan men were incapable of allowing such diversity and complexity.  
In the morning she made tea and a morning meal for them. Dura packed up her things, eager to get back to her father. She hoped he had resolved things with Latie. They ran down the mountain path with Dura trailing behind them.

"You talk of this place where our child will not be considered a freak and yet you do not want me to go there. Are you saying I should give you my child and then go back home and never see her again?" Latie asked.  
"That is not what I said, Latie. What I want you to think about is what kind of life you may have in the Lanzadonii. It is not the prosperous world of the Lion Camp of the Mamutoi. It is a hard life among a poor and struggling people. There is a cost to the acceptance of people with mixed spirits."  
"I was leader of my camp. I may not have been a very good one, and my luck has not been that good, but I do have skills that are valuable to any community. I have very little to go back to. Unless you forbid me to go there with you, I want to go."  
"I would never forbid you to go there. I'm just afraid it will not be what you expect."  
"If it isn't, I can always go home. If you can get me back here next summer, I can get myself back home. It is less than two moons of relatively easy travel on the horse along the great ice wall. I have already proven I am as good a hunter as you are. Please Durc, just let me go with you and stay one winter. You owe me at least that."  
He grunted with worried chagrin. Then he nodded and took her hands. "Walking away from you was painful. If you go with me I will only fall deeper in love with you. If you walk away from me next summer I know it will hurt a thousand times more. With Kotani there is little love, so little pain of loss if she leaves."  
"Then it is simple. If you love me, I will never leave you. I would only leave if you did not want me there. I know what a life without you in it is like. That is not my preference." She embraced him and they resumed their walk through the cold meadow.

They were sitting by the fire, eating a stew Latie had prepared, talking with Korg and Guban. "I am grateful for what you have done my friend. This is not your fight. Get your woman and her child to safety." Korg motioned.  
"But I can talk to them. You can't."  
"They will kill you before they would listen to you. I have seen the murder in their eyes." Guban said with resignation. "There are too many of them. They are expanding north because they have to. We have already lost the good land on this side of the mountain. Many have decided to move to Clan's to the west of the mountains because of what you have done there."  
"That is only temporary. I can do the same on this side. Then we can work on making it permanent."  
"Maybe, maybe not. It is a good dream you have. It is not worth risking the lives of this woman and her child. Take them to your place of safety." Korg stood. "And take Dura there too." He greeted Dura as she ran up to them. She dropped her pack, barely breathing hard.  
"This woman greets the leader Korg." She motioned before embracing her father, who had jumped up and run to her.  
"I did not expect you back for another quarter moon. It is so good to see you." Durc whispered.  
"Have you settled things with her?" She asked in Zelandonii.  
"She insists on going with me. I am not sure that is best."  
"Of course it is best, you old fool. You never should have left her, especially if you knew she was pregnant with your child. She told me you knew."  
"Yes. Your mother told me. She also told me I had to leave, had to prepare you for your Journey."  
"Why hasn't mother talked to me?" Dura asked in frustration.  
"I was near death each time she did. Perhaps you need to be close to crossing over for her to talk to you. I hope it never happens, but she said it would. Most other things she told me have come to pass."  
"I'm not sure I want to know what is coming. One of the best parts of my journey so far has been discovering new things. If I knew what was coming, it would not be as exciting. I just want to talk to her."  
"Your Journey is not over?" Durc said disappointedly.  
"It will never be over. I have thought about spending this winter with you to share stories of my adventures, but I will not. Kinidar knows them, and Latie has heard most of them. Kinidar will want to resume his flint training, but you don't need to take him to the Lanzadonii if you do not want to." Dura noticed the others sitting uncomfortably, excluded from their conversation. She pulled from the embrace and turned to the fire. "This woman greets the leader Guban." He grunted in acknowledgment and then motioned for her to sit with them.  
In Mamutoi she asked Latie if everything was all right. She looked content, but not necessarily comfortable with these men. Latie nodded and smiled, then served her a bowl of the stew. She ate it slowly, listening to answers to the questions she asked. She did not really care about the politics of these people. Running around the world had given her a much more pragmatic perspective. She shared a few of her adventures and then the two leaders got up to leave.  
"When do you leave." Dura asked her father.  
"It is not decided yet. I want to travel south to talk to the people about borders."  
"The Losadunai. They are the ones on the other side of the glacier from the Lanzadonii. If they are killing entire Clan caves, then it would not be safe for you."  
"That is what Korg and Guban said."  
Dura thought about it. "They will not hurt you if you are with Others. Cross the glacier next spring on a trading mission and discuss it with them. It may be just young men doing it, the leaders may not be aware of what is happening. Remember when we first crossed that mountain?"  
"You are even wiser now. I wish I had your wisdom with me at all times."  
"Father. There are people who live with a constant desire to take from other men just like them. There are others who share everything willingly. Right now the Zelandonii are in the middle. They desire to take from lesser people, and share with those that are like them. It is likely when they run out of Clan to take from, they will start taking from each other. This is not a land of endless abundance as it is in the south where there is no winter. There is no good future for any human here. The best you can do is not allow your population to outgrow the local abundance. The Lanzadonii is growing fast, but you still have plenty, and no competition from Clan or Others. It is noble to make a safe place for mixed people like us, but if resources become scarce, we will become the problem to be eliminated."  
Latie asked "So we should stop having children?"  
"Not stop, just be aware of how fast you are growing. At some point there will be too many, and whether you recognize it or not will determine if you become less human."  
"Less human?"  
"A tribe we lived with shared everything willingly. They loved being alive. They loved working to provide for each other. They loved giving pleasure to each other. They thrived in their giving. They were alive in their joy of being on this earth with each other. They did not care that I looked different. They willingly gave Kinidar and me anything we needed. In turn we gave them back as much as we could. It was the most perfect society there could be. I think that is what humanity should strive to be. I believe that is the most human we can be. Possessions and positions and relative status are for people who need to be better than each other, not better together. We are less human to the Zelandonii and Mamutoi because they desire to be better than each other."  
"Striving to be better as an individual does make it better for all." Latie said.  
"I agree, as long as you measure betterness against yourself. You should never envy someone who has more. The moment you believe yourself superior or inferior to another, you will find yourself justifying things that are not good for all. In many ways, the life I am choosing is the opposite of that. I want to live for myself, by myself, completely selfishly on my own terms. I'm not sure I would have made it through those first few months without Kinidar. As much as I wanted to be alone, it was scary even with him by my side. We both grew stronger and more confident. We got ourselves out a few dangerous situations, started to feel indestructible. And then we became careless. We almost died.  
"I never feared death. Durc's description of talking to mother in the spirit world tells me death is merely a new and different place. But Kinidar almost dying made me conscious of my responsibility. I started making decisions based on the safe Journey, not the adventurous one I wanted to be on. He kept me from being alone, but he also kept me from being free. I may regret my decision to leave him behind, but at least I will know true freedom. I got a taste of that running back here and it is exactly the way I want to spend the rest of my life."  
"I wish you would give me just one more winter before you run away again. I'd like you to meet your new brother."  
"I'll have all of eternity to get to know him in the spirit world. Latie, if you are certain you will not be returning to your people, then I will be leaving in the morning."  
"I am certain. I am not sure Durc is certain."  
"You cannot leave yet. There is so much I need to…" Durc motioned with sadness.  
"I am glad I have seen you again and I know you are well. On the long nights, hearing strange scary animals catching and devouring their screaming prey, I wondered if you or I would see mother first. You were so sad when I left, I thought you might find your way to her. There is no rush father. Latie needs you here and I hope you do not add to her sadness."  
"It will be complicated."  
"It will be interesting…"

Chapter 6: Complicated

Durc left the Clan Gathering with so many things unresolved. The problems were on the other side of the glacier from his new home. He should be going to talk to the Losadunai. Instead he was going to surprise his mate and child with another woman and her child and ask if they could all live peacefully together. He was fairly certain visiting the murderous Others on the east side of the glacier would be a safer place for him.  
He had plenty of time to think of how he could talk Kotani through what he wanted, but he could never see her taking any of it very well. After what had happened at the summer meeting, she no longer had a home among her people. She had given up everything, so Durc was her whole world. She had position and status among the Lanzadonii people, but she was his mate. He was happy when she agreed to mate him. Now he wished the tie had never been made. Perhaps this would be easier if there was no commitment.  
"You seem more and more distant the closer we get to your home."  
"I am sorry Latie. I am not a good traveling companion. Dura could tell you it has always been this way. I borrow trouble from the future whether it will be there or not."  
"Tell me about her."  
"Dura?"  
"No. Your mate." Durc looked concerned. "You are worried that you need to step back from your commitment to her in order to make room for me." Durc said nothing. "All I know about her is that she is a hunter and had your baby. What does she do when she is not hunting or taking care of the baby?"  
"She makes hunting weapons, practices with them. Talks to other hunters about hunting strategies. She is hunter. I take care of child, she provides for us."  
"Do you gather nuts and berries like a good Clan woman should?" Latie said, regretting how derisive it came out. He smiled grimly and nodded. "She is the man of the hearth, and I need to ask her to share it with me?"  
"It is complicated." Durc said.  
"You say that a lot."  
"I don't know how she will react. We are mated, but I don't know her that well. It is not like we fell in love and had the perfect romantic life before getting mated. She was curious about having sex with what she thought was an intelligent animal. She got pregnant from that encounter even though she believed she could never have children. The deformed child forced her to leave her people and the only place she had to go to was with me. We made compromises and adjustments and we made it work. I have made commitments, and with you it will be… complicated."  
"Would it be easier if I made camp before we get there? You could go talk to her and then come back for me."  
"What if she kills me and I can't come back for you." Durc said. Latie smiled. "You think I am kidding?"  
"Then I will go with you to protect you."  
The next morning Durc was nervous as they broke camp, knowing that he was out of time. That afternoon he would have to confront this unknown future. His muscles were in knots and his stomach upset. He walked slower than normal, Latie constantly having to stop her horse so he could catch up. She was waiting in a large field when a stampede of large deer broke from the woods and headed her way. Just as suddenly spears were thrown from the left side of the meadow and a few of the deer fell, making the group turn south and disappear into the woods again. Several people ran to their fallen prey and began butchering their kills. Durc had stopped, his head bowed in consternation. Latie rode back to him.  
"Is she one of the people on the other end of the meadow?" He nodded. Latie turned back and saw a large woman running their way with a spear in hand.  
"Durc! Durc! You're finally back!" She dropped her spear and picked Durc up and swung him around in a tight bear hug. Kotani hadn't really even noticed the woman and child on the horse. "I can't believe how much I missed you. I have some wonderful news, Donii has blessed me again. Can you believe it?" Kotani finally started to notice his less than enthusiastic response. She pulled back and looked at his face, then followed his darting eyes to Latie. A puzzled look. "Who are you?"  
"I am Latie of the Mamutoi. Daughter of the Lion hearth and co-leader of the Lion Camp." Kotani did not understand a single word she said. She looked back at Durc, finally putting him back on the ground.  
"This is Latie of the Lion Camp of the Mamutoi." He repeated in Zelandonii.  
"The people you stayed with before you came here?" She walked over and extended her hands. "In the name of Donii I greet you, Latie of the Mamutoi." Then she noticed the child in her arms which prevented her from extending both of them to accept the greeting. Latie hopped down from the horse and set the child on the ground. She took the offered greeting and felt the incredibly strong grip of this woman who was only slightly taller. Kotani turned and looked at Durc, and then the face of the child. She slowly released the hands she was holding as understanding came to her. She looked from one to the other several times. Durc looked at the ground, Latie met her eyes every time. Kotani turned, picked up her spear, and ran back to the group of hunters. Latie watched her shoulder a large portion of a deer carcass and walk into the woods.  
"Well, she didn't kill you." Latie said smiling.  
"The day is not over." Durc said, carrying the child across the field.  
Ayla was shocked to see another horse with a rider come into the courtyard. All three of her horses were right next to her, snorting and curious of the newcomer. Ayla put down the brush she had been using and began walking toward the strangers. Suddenly she realized who it was and ran with a huge smile on her face. "Latie! What are your doing here? It is so wonderful to see you!"  
Latie slid from the horse with equal excitement to see the woman she so idolized. Ayla hugged her, and then turned to the horse and began scratching all those places a horse loves to be scratched. They walked over to the other horses and all got introduced to each other.  
"How did you get here? It is the wrong season to cross the glacier."  
"Dura brought me the shorter route by the great ice wall."  
"Dura is alive! That is so wonderful. Durc will be so happy to see her. He is at the Clan Gathering."  
"No, he is the one who brought me the rest of the way." Ayla could tell something was not quite right.  
"You came here with Durc?" She looked around, wondering why he wasn't there with Latie.  
"He's… discussing things with Kotani." Ayla embraced her again, knowing the uncertainty in the young woman was the cause of her disquiet. She began asking questions about Lion camp. They were still talking over an evening meal when Jondalar came in from a day at the flint mine. His powerful embrace brought back all of those childhood feelings she had of the beautiful man she so idolized. She began repeating the highlights of what she had already told Ayla. His Mamutoi was rusty, but it came back quickly.  
As the light outside began to dim, Latie started to worry if Durc had not been kidding about his mortality. Her breasts were beginning to ache, so she knew Durie would need to be fed soon. She had thought it a good idea that he take the child, but now she had increasing doubts. Ayla noticed her distracted glances toward the cave entrance. "I am sure he is fine. She may be upset, but she won't hurt him."  
"I need to feed the child."  
"Child? You brought a child and I have had you here talking all this time. Why didn't you say anything?" Ayla grabbed her hand and almost dragged her out of the cave and down the hill to Durc and Kotani's dwelling. Latie was shocked at the sight of her daughter nursing alongside the younger child of Kotani. Many emotions went through her, but anger was the most prevalent.  
"Mommy!" she cried as she let go of the bare breast and ran to her on unsteady legs. Latie picked her up and held her tightly. She was doing all she could to remain calm. She turned in her arms and pointed at the woman "Kurc." She said.  
Kotani looked quite different seated on the floor, her baby suckling. "I'm sorry Latie. She saw Kurc eating and got hungry too. She hasn't had much so she'll need more. I know how painful it can get if I miss a feeding." She shifted Kurc to her other side. "Please come and sit down." Latie looked over at the chastened Durc, sitting on the far side of the room, staring at the floor. "She's a beautiful girl." Kotani added, again motioning her to sit, realizing Latie had no idea what she was saying. Latie wanted nothing more than to leave.  
Ayla was there tickling Durie and pulling her to sit by the fire. "You are right Kotani, she is beautiful. She said she has not eaten much so is probably still hungry." Ayla said, using hand signals to translate simultaneously.  
Latie sat, seeing no malice on this woman's face, and offered her child her own breast. She took it hungrily.  
"She has a very strong pull. I'm not sure I could take it if Kurc ever gets that strong." Kotani said with Ayla's help.  
"It gets stronger over time, you'll get used to it." Latie said and Ayla translated. Latie asked with hand signs if Kotani understood the Clan language.  
She understood enough to shake her head. "I am terrible with language. I totally understand if you don't want to learn Zelandonii. It might be a little difficult living here with me if you don't, but I think we can make it work." Latie wondered if she meant in the general Lanzadonii settlement, or in this dwelling specifically. Latie began to question her decision to come here as she looked around at the sparse quarters. She missed her familiar Lion hearth in the warm earth lodge. It seemed so far away. She wondered if she could find her way back on her own. She wanted more than anything to leave right now. "You can have the bed platform tonight. I am used to sleeping on the ground anyway. Tomorrow Durc will build another bed platform." Ayla repeated the words with some surprise.  
"She can stay with us." Ayla offered to Kotani.  
"She belongs here with Durc as much as I do. Maybe more." Ayla had never seen Kotani so vulnerable.  
"I will stay with Ayla for now. We both need time to… adjust." Kotani looked at Latie with gratitude. "She will help me learn your language. I hope we can become friends." Kotani nodded, knowing she was still the outsider in this group. Latie was part of their family from long ago. She had primacy here and Kotani knew that she did not want to lose what little she had left in her life. They began talking about motherhood, and life among the Lanzadonii, as Ayla began to teach Latie the new language.

"Is she staying the winter?" Joplaya asked Ayla.  
"It is her intention to stay for many years, perhaps the rest of her days. You know as well as anyone that mixed children are not accepted by other people, and very rarely accepted in the Clan. Her daughter is much better off growing up here."  
"It is just that we do not have the resources set aside for another two mouths, let alone another horse. We keep bringing in these people that want to learn arts and flint working and train for the Lanzadonia, and we don't have enough people working to provide the necessities."  
"Latie can hunt, and her horse can bring ten times the meat and firewood as any of us can."  
"But the horse cannot cut and split the firewood. Of course she is welcome to stay Lanzadoni. I am just concerned the spring will be very thin on resources."  
"If you need Jondalar and I to take part in a major hunt or fell some trees and drag them back here, all you have to do is ask."  
"You both have much more important work."  
"Nothing is more important than the health and well being of our people. You are leader. We look to you to let us know what we can do to help. I am sorry I have not paid attention to such things."  
"I'm not sure I am the best choice to lead. Just because the man of my hearth was leader does not mean I should be."  
"You are the best at organizing. You have been doing much of Dalonar's work the last five years since your mother passed to the spirit world."  
"It was easier being in the background and letting Dalonar deal with the people. I wish Echazar would help, but not everyone listens to… it is just harder with all the people that followed you here."  
Ayla nodded. "Such prejudices are hard to eliminate. At best, we drive them underground."  
"Maybe Jondalar could help me?" Ayla knew she just wanted to spend time with her first love. She fought down the natural jealousy that welled up, knowing it had no value in her life now.  
"I will talk to him, but I doubt he will want to get involved. It will be difficult enough dragging him away from his flint mine to hunt."  
"That is where I would rather be."  
Ayla saw that dreamy look and wondered if was the gray stone, or the blue eyes of Jondalar, that she wanted to be near. "Let's get together and discuss what we can do to make your job easier so you can enjoy the fruits of your labor as much as we do. You should have all the time you want to pursue your gift."  
"A meeting would be good. As for my gift, we have so many good flint nappers, there is no need for one more."  
"Of course there is. Any tools or weapons we make beyond our needs can be traded for things we lack. Jonayla was just telling me she planned a trading journey to the Great Western Sea. Jondalar tells me your skill is still better than his, even though you don't get to the mine very often. Your skills could get us quite a bit of salt and fish."  
"He said that?"  
"He would be mad at me for telling you. I'm sure you know it is true."  
Joplaya smiled. "I do, I just wasn't sure he did. I will organize a meeting for tomorrow evening. I would like to meet your new friend, please tell her she is welcome to stop by anytime."  
"Her language is limited. Oh, wait, you know the Clan signals."  
"A little."  
"So does she. You might be able to converse with a mixture of languages. Echazar could possibly help as well. Otherwise Durc or I will make time to translate."

"Thank you Joplaya for having us to your home for this meeting." Jondalar said with an authority he did not feel. "Our leader has brought to my attention our deficit in winter resources. I realize we all have things we prefer doing. Unfortunately we will be shivering and starving instead of doing those things all winter. Kotani has organized a large hunting party to go after a large herd of Elk seen to the south west."  
"I'm not a hunter." One of his young flint knapping students stated.  
"We don't need help hunting. We need help carrying and cutting and drying the meat. There are also the killed trees. There are fifty trees remaining to be cut down, dragged back here, cut up, and split. My team will provide and maintain sharp tools for the work. Our horses will drag the logs back here. I know it is very hard work, but if we can get it done this week, we can resume our normal work."  
"The last time I cut logs, my hands hurt for a month." A woman Jondalar did not know well said.  
"Then you should carry and cut the meat. Joplaya is especially grateful for Niria's group. They have collected more nuts and berries than we expected to get this year and they have volunteered to collect fodder for our horses. I know they eat quite a bit, but they also do a lot of the really hard labor of carrying and dragging things. My horse alone has carried two winter's worth of flint for toolmaking."  
"Not the way Walaman ruins good flint." One of the others ribbed the young apprentice. "He'll go through twenty stones just to make one axe head."  
Jondalar enjoyed the friendly banter, but this was not the place for it. "I guess you will be chopping down trees with me, Dustovor." The others laughed at the punishment for his joke.  
Ayla watched her mate so naturally and charismatically take over the meeting and truly understood why Joplaya was failing. She did not have confidence in her ability. Everyone liked her, but many did not respect her because of her mixed mate and children. When Joplaya began speaking again Ayla saw the faces cloud over. It was reminiscent of the Clan when she was cursed with death. It was like they stopped seeing her. Ayla realized even she had stopped listening to what was being said, her mind wandering to the analysis of why. Echazar sat at the far wall, adoringly watching his mate, holding their youngest daughter on his lap.  
Ayla waited for Joplaya to finish her thoughts on the storage. She held up her hand and Joplaya recognized her, a little irritated for the interruption. "Yes, Lanzadoni?"  
"Echazar was telling me of his idea for cutting and storing the firewood. I think it is a good one, and I was hoping he could share it with the rest of the cave since we are on the topic." Ayla was looking directly at Echazar as she spoke, and saw him blanche at the idea of speaking in front of the entire group. She made some subtle motions to encourage him. He stood and walked over next to his mate, who put her arm around him in support.  
"Uh… um, I was only saying that much of the wood.. uh… became icebound last winter and…" Ayla watched the crowd as he stammered through his idea. She asked him questions that led him in a more organized direction and he began to relax. Others asked questions and some added their ideas to the discussion.  
Ayla took over as the topic came to a natural conclusion. "Thank you Echazar. If everyone agrees this is a much better plan…" She looked around the room and saw nods of approval. "will you be willing to organize that after the hunt?"  
"Of course Lanzadoni." Echazar said. He had always been content to just go along with what was happening, lending his strong back to whatever task was required. She saw a slight change in the faces, perhaps granting him a little more respect for the good idea that would make their winter survival a little easier. It had been an interesting experiment in understanding her people. Humans are full of petty jealousies and prejudices. It simplified their lives to lump people into predefined categories instead of creating new categories for each individual. It was not only the confidence of the speaker, it was how the audience viewed the speaker. It was almost a silent conversation of how they valued each other.  
"That is good. I for one will be happy to never have to chip ice in a blizzard to free wood for my hearth." She looked back at at Joplaya. "Sorry for my interruption, Leader." Joplaya continued, but her demeanor was different with Echazar standing by her side. She might as well have been sitting on his back, raised and supported by his loving strength. She had felt alone and insignificant, a pretender in a position not well suited to her strengths. Ayla had changed that by bringing Echazar to the forefront in a positive way.  
Kotani was brought up to discuss her plan for the big hunt. Ayla had been using Clan signs to translate for Latie, but noticed she watched the woman as she talked and not Ayla's hands. There was a tension there, a subtle competition for her son. Durc had been withdrawn since he returned. He seemed content to let the women decide his future for him. Ayla had seen co-matings before in the Zelandonii caves, but never really understood them. There was love among all parties, as well as arguing, but there was always the potential for two to overpower the needs or desires of the third. When there were only two, a compromise that satisfied all parties was more likely. She remembered the Sharamadoi who formed unions of four, called cross-coupling. She decided to ask Jondalar what his observations of that relationship dynamic were.  
Joplaya then asked Ayla to invite the spirits to show favor on their hunt. Ayla went through the motions of what she was taught, but she never really believed in the Zelandonii ways. She knew skill and planning had far more to do with any endeavor. She silently asked her cave lion totem to give them the strength and wisdom to succeed.  
As the meeting broke up, Ayla went to the Leadership couple and took each of their hands in hers. "Dalonar always had Jerica with him. Perhaps not always at his side, but she was always there. You took her place Joplaya, but he lost that support system that only a mate can provide. I don't think leadership of anything can be done alone. You are Leader Joplaya, we are here to support you. Know that and trust that."  
"Jondalar should be leader. He is so much better with them."  
"Not a chance." He said, putting his arm around Ayla's waist. "I will talk for you, I will help motivate them for you, but there is no way I am going to spend the rest of my days counting fish and logs and worrying if there is enough. You already know how to do that so easily, and I need to continue working at the flint mine to keep my skills better than yours, Joplaya." She beamed at the compliment, knowing the secret behind his words. "Speaking of which, I have come up with a better way of heating the flint. I'd like you to come and see it."

Ayla pulled Jondalar away after introducing Latie and was confident they could communicate sufficiently. She led him to their cave and began pulling off his clothes. "What has got into you my beautiful woman?"  
"You were so magnetic up there. You were born to lead these people. Everyone either wants you, or wants to be you."  
"Then it is very lucky for us that I am me, and you are the only one that gets to be with me." He helped her remove her clothes and then laid her down on the soft furs.  
In the afterglow, Ayla's thoughts returned to the dynamics of human relationships. "Am I being selfish to keep you all to myself?"  
"I don't want anyone but you."  
"You wanted Marona." He started to apologize but she put her hand on his mouth. "I know it was just physical because I was neglecting you in my training to be Zelandoni. What I am wondering is if our people would be be better off with more children born of your essence."  
"One is enough. I could not wish for a more perfect child to carry my essence forward."  
"I don't understand why the mother keeps blessing me and then taking them away. They have all been boys, and I have always been unlucky with sons."  
"Durc is here with you now. You have your son."  
"He is troubled. I wish I could help him."  
"If two beautiful women bringing children to his hearth does not make a man happy, he cannot be happy."  
"Would you like another woman at your hearth?"  
"You are more than I will ever need."  
"I think if Kotani and Latie cannot work things out, Latie should join us at our hearth. She still loves you from our time at the Lion camp."  
"That was just a childhood crush."  
"Please, just consider it. She has had so much pain in her life. If Durc rejects her, she will need something strong to cling to. I think she could give you the sons that you want, and you would make her very happy." He was about to protest, but she interrupted his thoughts. "Tell me about the Sharamadoi."  
"What about them?"  
"They have four at every hearth. How does that work? Do they share pleasures only with their mate, or also with their cross mates?"  
"I think most are open to sharing each others' mates, especially during mother festivals. I know my brother only had desire for Jetamio, though Tholie often tried to entice him."  
"If you were in that position, would you have shared pleasures with Tholie?" She saw the look on his face and immediately understood. "You were with Tholie?" She asked in surprise.  
"I was with many women Ayla. I did not want to be tied down because I never felt that feeling… what I felt when I met you. I had asked the Mother for a woman so perfect that none measured up to that until I met you. I could give pleasure, and I enjoyed giving and receiving pleasure, but I never felt complete with any of them. It was just physical."  
"Tholie didn't mention that."  
"Is that strange?"  
"Perhaps not among the Sharamadoi. Or the Mamautoi since that was her people as well. Among the Zelandonii it is quite different. I believe every woman you were ever with made it their personal mission to tell me how wonderful you were in the furs. There were at least two hands of them that told me how they wished they could find a man half as good as their first rites with you had been."  
"I'm sorry, I didn't know."  
"It's all right Jondalar. I know the joy you brought into my life helping me understand the pleasures that were inside my body. It wouldn't surprise me if some of those tall blond boys running around the Zelandonii caves are of your essence."  
"You really think so? Maybe it is my essence that is weak and why you can't…"  
"No, Jondalar. Your essence is not weak. I am blessed every time I try. I think it may be that something inside me that is fighting your essence. You know the blister disease that most children get?" he nodded. "No one has ever gotten it twice. People get most other diseases over and over, sometimes every year. But not that one. It is like the body learns how to fight off that disease so the next time it cannot take hold. It may be that way with the babies."  
"Do you want to try to have a baby with another man's spirit? One that you won't fight off?"  
"No, Jondalar, I don't want that. You should have sons of your body at your hearth. That is why I think bringing a cross-mate to your hearth would be a good idea. Jonayla would have a brother just like Joplaya is your sister."  
"She is only a close cousin."  
"She is born of Dalonar's essence just as much as you are. She is your sister. She is still in love with you too. I don't know why it is wrong for siblings to share pleasures. The legends say it produces deformed children. But with all the children born not knowing who their real father is, it only stands to reason that some siblings are now mated and producing perfectly normal children."  
"Joplaya is not in love with me. She just used to tease me."  
"It may have been a childhood crush, like Latie, but she still has intense desire for you. Most women do. I guess she was unlucky to be born to the same hearth as you were. There is very little mixing between those who are already mixed, and those who have come to join us in the last few years. They segregate themselves at mother festivals as if we are two different people. You have chosen to be only with me, but could you get beyond your cultural disgust and share pleasures with a mixed woman?"  
Jondalar wanted to say yes, but he knew he would have trouble. The thought of Latie in his furs had begun to stir him to desire, though he doubted he would actually go through with it. The thought of either of the teen aged mixed women in the settlement almost turned his stomach.  
Ayla didn't wait for the answer his eyes had already revealed. "I have wondered if I would be accepting of a mixed man giving Jonayla her first rites." Jondalar sat up, ready to fight her on even making such a suggestion. "Echazar is a gentle and kind lover Joplaya tells me."  
"But…" Jondalar could barely keep from saying the terrible things he was thinking. He just ground his teeth and held his tongue.  
"But? But she might have a mixed child of his essence? Would that be a terrible thing? Would it be any more horrible for you to do it?"  
"She is the daughter of my hearth."  
"The daughter of your body as well. She could likely get no better start to her sexual life than from you, but society says it is taboo. The same society has the taboo against mixed abominations. We are trying to get past that."  
Jondalar was beginning to gather all the reasons it would be wrong and started with the most reasonable of them. "Echazar is too familiar to Jonayla. The reason they do it at summer meetings is to choose someone they don't know well."  
"Tulie asked you to initiate Latie after spending an entire winter with the Lion Camp."  
"That was the Mamutoi." Jondalar said desperately trying to bolster his argument.  
"Latie told me that she had a horrifying first rites. How different her life might have been if you had not shirked your responsibility." Jondalar felt terrible, but still searched for a reason other than Echazar was part flathead. "I'm sorry, that isn't fair. I have begun questioning the entire practice of first rites."  
"Question it? Why?"  
"When I gave Dura her initial instruction after her first moon time, she said many things that have made me think deeply about why we do it."  
"It honors the mother. It makes a woman able to…" He realized that if he believed Jonayla was from his body, then a women who was not opened would not get pregnant.  
"You see? The true value of it is introducing a woman to the joy of it. Does that have to happen at a certain age by a stranger?"  
"I haven't thought about it much, it is just the way things have always been done. You say Dura made you question it?"  
"It started with concerns about becoming pregnant. She didn't want anything to delay her Journey. I had been concerned about finding someone willing to initiate a mixed girl, though I never told her that. Perhaps she understood that, or just did not like the idea of a stranger doing it. She had her own first rites ceremony with Kinidar, and even though the boy was inexperienced, she spoke highly of the choice. If Jonayla chose to wait for someone she truly cared about, I would not be against that. Even though I never would have met you if circumstances had been different, the thought of you being my real first time is a wonderful one. Especially since we had grown to love each other before it happened."  
Jondalar would definitely prefer his beautiful little girl to be with no man over being with a flathead. He really didn't like thinking about any of this. "If that is what she chooses, I would support it."  
"What if she were to choose Echazar?"  
"Are you purposely trying to irritate me?"  
"No. I am just trying to understand the depths of this prejudice. We want to pretend there is no difference. We want to say that we are all the same, but we will only do that when it is someone else, someone that does not affect us directly. We need to either commit to mixing without any prejudice, or we need to admit that there is and always will be a difference, and never mix."  
"It was easier when we thought the Mother made the decision."  
"Especially when She could only choose from the men and women who chose each other. I'm not sure if I would have chosen to only be with you. As a good clan woman I would have gone with any man that made the signal. Children of the Great Earth Mother encourage a variety by holding Mother festivals where different partners are preferred. It is almost as if the Mother wants diversity in our offspring. You may be right Jondalar. My understanding of fatherhood may have done great damage to the diversity that the Mother wants us to have. If we think of children as personal possessions because they came from us, and we require no variance from that, then how long before we want that to occur generation to generation."  
"What do you mean?"  
"If you and I think our combined essence is the best, producing Jonayla. How do we keep it the best in the generations to come? Certainly not allowing her to mix with lesser people. If she had a brother from our essence, then she would have to have children with him to keep the absolute best of us. Since she doesn't have that brother, she must have your children."  
"Either choice would be an abomination."  
"I think it would be. But if keeping the best is not the best, it is the worst, then mixing the most different should be best. We should want to be with those most different from us. The only other man I ever wanted to be with was the most different man I had ever seen."  
"Ranec." The distance of time had dulled his jealousy, but it remained.  
"Yes, Ranec. I was attracted to the difference. I think that was the Mother encouraging diversity in the children women produce. I have chosen to only be with you, despite my Clan upbringing and drives from the Mother. I have chosen that because I know you want me to be only with you. You want that because you are afraid I would leave you if I chose to couple with another man. There is no woman on this earth that would choose another man over you. It is just as silly as me thinking I was a big ugly woman.  
"There is a difference between the physical connections we make with each other and the emotional ones. I think Zolena failed in her duties to educate you on this one thing. Sex is not love. Sex can be an act of love, but it isn't love. No matter what man put his manhood in me and gave me his child, it would not change how I feel about you. You traveled to the end of the earth to find me. You gave me spoken language and hope for a future with people like me. You gave me pleasure that most women on the earth never know. You took me out of my cave and introduced me to the Mamutoi, and then many other people on our journey here. Then you gave me your family to be my family, your people to be my people. You gave me a beautiful child. You gave me a world where my mind had value. No other man could have done all that. If it wasn't for you, I probably would have died in that cave in my valley long ago. I will never leave you Jondalar. There is no one I would choose over you."  
"I wish I had understood that. You are right, Zolena failed me in that one lesson. Our love for each other was in the sexual exploration and pleasure. We had little in common outside of that. I never understood the difference, but in retrospect it is so obvious. I enjoyed giving first rites because it was all about the love that I felt. It faded as quickly as the feelings of pleasure did, but to me it was one and the same. It was never really love that I felt. I'm not really sure why I turned down Latie's first rites. I think maybe you had begun that lesson in me, the difference between sex and love, but I didn't comprehend it."  
"It isn't too late. You could go to her now and show her what the gift of pleasures truly could be."  
"It wouldn't bother you?"  
"I am a medicine woman. I see a woman who is sick inside because of hurt in her mind from a long time ago. I know this sickness, this hurt. I know you cured me. I think you could cure her too. Also, I think the Mother wants you to share your gift with others. I won't know if it will bother me the way it did when you were with Marona until it happens. That bothered me for two reasons. She was very hurtful to me when I first came here, so you giving pleasures to her was sort of rewarding her for that. The other reason is that you wanted me to be only with you, but were not willing to do the same. I did not truly understand all of those feelings then, but I think I do now. I do not think it will bother me."

"Durc, look at me." Latie was tired of his evasiveness. "What do you want?"  
"I want you and Kotani to be happy. I cannot make both of you happy. That is why I didn't think you would be happy here. You both want more from me, but I have no more to give. She is my mate, I have made promises to her. You thought because I love you more I would break those promises? Would you trust any promises I made to you?"  
"So that is your decision? You only want to be with her?" He had no answer to give her. Latie kept a strong front, but crumbled inside. That had always been her problem, pretending things were fine when they were not. She wondered if falling apart and crying would change his mind. Did she want him to come to her out of pity? She picked up her daughter and walked away. When she was out of the public view the tears came. She sat on her bed platform and put her breast to her daughter's mouth. The tears rolled continuously in darkness and despair. She did actually expect him to choose her. There were other men giving her attention despite her mixed son. The thought sickened her.  
She started planning her trip home the next summer, knowing it was too late to go home now. Dura had tried to talk her out of coming in the first place. So had Durc. She didn't listen. She could hear the mumbling sounds of Ayla and Jondalar talking. That is what love should be. Durc had offered that when he was at Lion camp with her, but she kept all the hurt inside. She was afraid if he knew the real her, he would leave. It was probably the opposite. But he was always going to leave. If she had left with Durc back then, he would be hers now.  
After Durie finished nursing, Latie put her down in the pile of furs and stroked her back. She went to the cooking area and began boiling water for tea. When she heard someone coming, she quickly turned away and wiped her tears. She felt Ayla's loving arms wrap around her and the sobs came.  
"Let the tears fall Latie. They do no good inside you. With or without him, your place is here with us." When the water boiled, Ayla made her a special tea that would calm her worries.  
"I'm so lonely."  
"You'll make friends, just give it time."  
"No. Even at Lion Camp I was always alone. It was like one day I was a girl with nothing but happiness and joy and then my moon time came and it all disappeared. The boys stopped playing with me. I couldn't look them in the eye for fear of my spirit being stolen. Maybe my spirit was stolen and that is why I am empty inside."  
"Latie, your spirit is safe inside you. You feel empty because you are looking for something out there that does not exist."  
"What?"  
"Happiness."  
"There is no happiness? But you and Jondalar are so happy. Seems like most people are."  
"Happiness is not out there, it is in here." Ayla put her hand on Latie's chest. "Pain always yells loudest to get your attention. It is easy to focus on the pain. Sometimes it is good because pain can tell us what is wrong. But when pain is long ago, and you choose to keep it alive just so you can hear it, that is only a choice. You can choose the opposite."  
"I try to. When I ride the horse, I can forget the pain, for a time. Durie always brings me back to reality."  
"Do you wish she was normal, not mixed?"  
"It would have been easier, but no. I really don't. In a way, it is Rydag's spirit come back to me. I lost him in the middle of my first rites nightmare. It almost disappointed me when he began to say words. Rydag was the only one that didn't treat me differently. I missed him terribly. I think that may be why I was so open to Durc when he came with Dura. He filled a hole in my life that had been there since Rydag died."  
"I left you as well right after Rydag's funeral. I could have helped you, if you had only said something."  
"How?"  
"My beginning was the same as yours, pain and humiliation. It went on for moons, I was not allowed to refuse him. He enjoyed my suffering. There was never any pleasures in it. Jondalar changed all that. It was like I had been in a cave all my life, and I finally got to go out and see the sun for the first time."  
"Why did you choose Ranec then?"  
"I didn't at first. I did not know the ways of your people. In the Clan when a man wants you, there is no choice. Ranec did not give me a choice that I understood. Jondalar could not understand why I would choose someone over him, so he pulled away from me. I did not choose Ranec, he was the only one who seemed to want me."  
"Durc is no Jondalar, but he made me happy for a time. At least I felt loved. Now I don't know why he can't show it. He had no problem showing it when we were alone in my shelter on the way here. She's not even very nice to him."  
"You have to understand he was completely alone. No one here would even touch him. Kotani changed that. Her life as she knew it disappeared because she chose to share his furs just one time. Dura was leaving and he needed something to cling to. He promised Kotani the world for her to stay and be with him, even though she really had no choice other than leaving her mixed child here."  
"Do you think I should leave him alone?"  
"That is for you to decide. He loves you far more than he loves her. She may stay with him, she may find someone else." Jondalar got up and passed them on the way out of the cave to pass water. Ayla watched Latie's reaction to the barely dressed man. Fleeting glances and a hint of unbridled desire. She studiously avoided looking at him when he came in and kissed Ayla on the top of the head and said good night.  
Ayla was done talking. She was a medicine woman, and withholding medicine she thought would work was not in her nature. She stood and took the tea cup from Latie's hand and put it on the small table. She took Latie's hand and pulled her to her feet. She hugged her warmly and whispered in her ear. "Latie, you belong here with us. I know you will find your happiness here. I think first you need to know what is possible. Do not think about what is about to happen. Just experience it. Just enjoy it." She led her into their bedroom carrying the small candle. Jondalar turned to see why the light had increased. Ayla placed the candle on the shelf and turned to Latie. "You are the blessed of Donii. You are the light of the world. There is no future without you. You are woman. You bring forth the life and the love this world needs to be a better place. The Great Earth Mother has many gifts for you. The most important gift is that of life. Your life, and those she blesses you with. To bring forth the gift of life she has given you the gift of pleasure. This perfect man, a gift from the Mother herself, will open you to receive the gift of life."  
Latie's eyes went wide when she finally understood that Ayla was going through the Zelandonii first rites invocation. "He is here for you, to do your will, to be your source of ultimate pleasure. Open to him your heart, your body, your desire. Hide nothing from him, and he will show you the gift he has been given for you, blessed of Donii, woman, mother of all life." Ayla began undressing her and felt the nervous tension in the room. "You are not alone in this. All women are her for you, to support you in this ceremony, because without you we cease to exist." She motioned for Jondalar to stand up. He did so and stood close to the two women looking down with incredible blue eyes.  
Latie reached out and touched the hair on his chest with her finger tips. Ayla faded back to the doorway, not knowing if she would be able to watch. Jondalar began the slow seduction that Ayla knew so well. She had watched several girls at their initiations since moving to the Lanzadonii. She felt neither disgusted nor excited at the sight of a man pushing himself inside the girl to "make" her a woman. The sight of Jondalar's hands on Latie's naked body both disgusted her and excited her, and the entire range of emotions in between. She was angry that Jondalar was doing this so willingly, without hesitation. Ayla also felt every single bit of the pleasure he was giving Latie. When Latie's moment came, her eyes went wide with fear and wonder as the first orgasmic waves of her life crashed onto her and swept her out to sea. Ayla removed her sleeping wrap and lay down next to the still twitching young woman. She took her hand in hers and felt the squeeze of gratitude. Jondalar withdrew and entered Ayla's welcoming well. It took no time for her to reach the same world Latie was basking in and Jondalar joined them moments later. They slept like that until the child needed her early morning meal.  
Latie and her horse were gone when they got up, and when she did not return at nightfall Ayla was worried. There was no moon, so there was no way to go search for her.  
Jondalar returned from the flint mine just after dark and served himself some stew. "Is she alright?"  
"I don't know, she never came back."  
"Are you alright?" He asked carefully.  
"I am fine with what happened last night. More than fine. I now understand co-mating. I would welcome her to join our hearth and share you with her. Does that sound like something you would want?"  
"Two beautiful women in my furs every night? That would be terrible."  
"I bet."  
"Honestly, it was a wonderful experience, but she is not you Ayla. She could not even take half of me."  
"Really? I wonder if that is why she had bad experiences. Most men wouldn't need to withhold any of their length, let alone know how to."  
The next day Latie came walking up the path, the back of her horse and pole drag loaded with grains and grasses. Kinidar ran down and helped her unload into the horse storage area.  
"Thank you Kinidar. Why aren't you at the mine?"  
"Jondalar asked me bring down some preshaped cores and get Joplaya. I haven't found her yet. It must have taken a while to gather all of this."  
"Yes, but horses need a lot for winter."  
"Dura would be happy that you have decided to stay here. I wish she had too."  
"Her spirit was not meant for standing still. You'll find someone Kinidar. She will be different, but that is what life is about. Different experiences. If we had the same ones over and over, what would be the point? You need to break the cycle of the past and do something different."  
"Traveling was different for a while, but in so many ways it was exactly the same. Running from danger to the next danger, wondering if you would find enough food to survive. Dura never worried about that. I hope she is alright."  
"She is fine. The Mother has big plans for her. If I see Joplaya I will let her know you are looking for her." She walked up the path to Ayla's home.  
"Where have you been? We have been so worried about you." Ayla said, trying not to sound too scolding.  
"I was collecting grains for the horses. I am heading back out."  
"Alone? You shouldn't do that alone. At least stay the night and I will go with you."  
"No Lanzadoni. Your place is here healing the people that are sick. You have cured me. I need to do my share in preparing for the long winter."  
"So, you are not upset about what happened?"  
"Upset? No, that could not be further from the truth. I had to leave because… I wanted him again. It was kind of you to share him with me. I had to leave and think about what I can do with this gift you have given me. If things don't work out here, I know I can make them work at Lion camp, now that I understand what went wrong."  
Ayla stopped her from gathering her things and took both her hands. "You can have Jondalar anytime you want. You can join me at his hearth. I want you to join us. I think I enjoyed the sharing almost as much as you did."  
"You can't mean that."  
"Of course I do. Don't run away from us Latie. Your place is here."  
"What if… what if I have a child of his spirit?"  
"We would like that. I don't think I can give him another one."  
"I don't know what to say. That was a dream come true. I love Durc, but Jondalar is the one I always dreamed about."  
"You don't have to say anything. Your place is here for as long as you want, with whomever you want."

Chapter 7: Sharamudoi

I am Dura. I am looking for Tholie, formerly of the Mamutoi." Dura said in Mamutoi. The man looked at the mixed girl and relaxed his spear when he heard two words he understood, Tholie and Mamutoi. He called to someone in the building behind him and and a young man popped out.  
"You speak Mamutoi?" He asked.  
"Yes, I am Dura. I am kin to Jondalar of the Zelandonii and Ayla of the Mamutoi. I was told to ask for Tholie, formerly of the Mamutoi if I ever came this way."  
"Tholie is down at the dock. How could you be related to those giant blond… it doesn't matter. It is very nice to meet you Dura. I am Darvalo of the Sharamadoi. I will take you to Tholie, but I must warn you, it is a dangerous path."  
"That is not necessary. I only asked for Tholie because I speak Mamutoi, not your language. Since you speak it very well, I can pass my messages to you and be on my way." She looked sideways at the man still holding the spear. Darvalo yelled some unintelligible words at the man. He put the spear down and walked back into the building.  
"I am sorry about that. There has been much trouble with the Clan, and some are on edge."  
"You know of the Clan? Most call us flatheads."  
"Only because of what Ayla and Jondalar told us. He was almost the man of my hearth. My mother and he were very close, but that was before he left and met Ayla. What a remarkable woman she was."  
"Do you know about the son she had?"  
"I have had no news of their travels after they left here. Oh, do mean the mixed child she had to leave behind?"  
"Yes. Durc is the man of my hearth. Ayla is my grandmother."  
"Then you must be a remarkable woman too. Please come with me. Tholie will want to hear what you have to say too. They became like sisters in the short time they were here. People still talk about the wolf that loved children." He took her hand and led her to the cliff. Once again Dura was surprised by a stranger's willingness to touch her. Dura was not the least bit disoriented as she stepped on to the narrow ledge and marveled at the view of the deep gorge. She then followed the young man down to the river. "Most people tremble and cling to the wall their first time down. Tholie!" he shouted. "We have a visitor!"  
The short plump woman popped up from the interior of the boat with a baby on her breast. Naturally suspicious, she asked Darvalo who the girl was. "Tholie of the Mamutoi, meet Dura, granddaughter of Ayla of the Mamutoi." Darvalo especially enjoy the look of shock as the woman struggled to make sense of the introduction.  
"Ayla? Grandmother? She hadn't…Oh OH!" She stepped onto the dock and wrapped Dura in a tight embrace. "You have seen her, talked to her? I was so worried about her traveling. I wish she had stayed here with us. Oh, you must tell us everything. Come, sit down and I will make some food while you tell us." She called to her mate to join them.  
This boat was much bigger than the last one she was on, but the memory of how that one ended was on her mind as she stepped off the dock. Tholie's mate eyed her suspiciously as he walked up the dock and stood at the edge of the boat. "We have news from Ayla and Jondalar. This young lady is Ayla's granddaughter." Another mask of confusion converted to great joy at the understanding. He greeted her warmly, though avoided touching her as the other two had. Dura began to tell what she knew of their journey after they left the Sharamdoi. Tholie interrupted many times, but Dura understood and was patient, apologizing for not knowing all the details. An enormous platter of food was set in front of them and Dura ate far more than she wanted to.  
"Thank you for the food, but I need to be going."  
"Don't be silly dear. You will stay here with us tonight."  
"I need to continue my Journey."  
"You need to rest and have some good nutritious food. You are thin as a rail. That's just not healthy."  
"Thank you, but I'm not really comfortable on boats." She told them of her harrowing crossing of the Great Southern Sea.  
"You can stay with me at the top of the cliff." Darvalo offered. "I would really like you to stay, this is the most interesting thing that has happened in years." Dura nodded, knowing she would prefer a comfortable bed to another night in the dark forest. "Where will your Journey take you next?" he asked as they walked up the path.  
"South. I hate the winter and I want to go south again to where there are no winters."  
"Such a place exists?"  
"Yes. The world is a very big place. I still have many years of traveling to find out just how big."  
"I only know the world of the Great Mother river. I wish I could go on a long Journey like you."  
"What is stopping you?"  
"I am Sharamadoi. These are my people. This is where I belong."  
Dura understood. Some had no stomach for true adventure. In many ways Kinidar was like that. Even though he eventually warmed to it, that was not who he was. "It isn't for everyone. It is very scary and lonely out there. I have lost count of the times I cheated death." Dura stopped at the top again, enjoying the view as the summer sun fell to the horizon. "What is on the other side? More of your people?"  
"No, that is Clan territory. Only the troublemakers go over there."  
"A deep river is a good border since they can't swim."  
"Really? They can't swim?"  
"No. They don't even try, but some have drowned when they go fishing because they just sink to the bottom. It is like they are heavier than the water. It is too bad you have boats, otherwise you wouldn't have trouble with them." She turned to him. "Do you think we are animals, Darvalo?"  
"No." he said, mostly believing it.  
"Do you think I am ugly?" He stammered, not able to come up with a response. "I know what you see, a hairy animal with a misshapen head. Among the Zelandonii it is an abomination to even touch someone like me. I was surprised when you took my hand." She held her hand out. "Would you like to share pleasures with me tonight, Darvalo of the Sharamadoi? Would you like to know how a Clan woman is different than the Others are?"  
"I…I…" She lowered her hand, rescinding the offer.  
"Can you take me across the river in one of your small boats tomorrow?"  
"You want to go… to their side?"  
"They do not fear me. They do not threaten me with spears. They are not disgusted by the thought of sharing pleasures with me."  
"I'm not disgusted."  
"Then what is it?" She was going to leave and find a place in the forest to bed down, but she wanted him to answer the question first.  
"You scare me." He said looking away in shame. Not the answer she expected. She waited for more. "Life is boring here, but to be honest, I like that. I am not very brave like the other men. I am too scared to take a boat out by myself, and I never go far into the woods by myself. Women don't want me because everyone knows I am a coward. That is why I live here with the old toolmaker. He would not approve of my sharing furs with you. If I lose this, I have nothing."  
"What are you afraid of, dying?"  
"Of course."  
"You don't fear this ledge, and it is far more dangerous than what is in those woods or on that river."  
"But I grew up walking this path."  
"You didn't grow up on this river and in these woods?"  
"It's not the same."  
"But it is. Go get your sleeping roll."  
"Why?" He asked.  
"Because tonight you are going to sleep in the woods."  
"I can't."  
"Then you might as well just jump off this ledge. Go get your sleeping roll. I will be up that trail waiting for you."

She walked back up the trail that had brought her into the settlement. She paused and watched two deer grazing at the end of the field. She was about to give up when she heard his hesitant footsteps coming up behind her.  
Dura pointed at the deer and whispered "Do you think they are too afraid of sleeping in the woods tonight? Of course they are, but they don't have a choice. They also don't know they are going to a better place when they die. Why would you fear going to a better place? My mother is there waiting for me. I am in no hurry to see her, but when it happens, I will be happy that it has."  
"You believe in the spirit world?"  
"No, I don't believe. I know. Just as I know I can run faster and longer than most people, but I can't outrun any of the predators that want to kill me. I slept on the plains near a lion so fast it was like a bird with legs. I slept on a mountain surrounded by a pack of wolves. You know why I wasn't scared? Fire. All those dangerous predators are more afraid of fire, even just the smell of it, than you are of them. Because we can make tools, and fire is a tool, we are by far the most dangerous predator on this earth."  
In a quick fluid motion Dura pulled a spear out of the holder on her back, set it in the slot of her spear thrower and cast it across the field. The deer lept away, but fell a few strides later. She looked over at him. He stood awed by her incredible hunting prowess. She saw his bedroll in his hand and thought there may be hope for him. She ran over to the fallen deer and he stood by and watched her make quick work of the small animal. She started a fire and began cutting strips from the meat to dry for traveling.  
"You know what your problem is Darvalo? You don't think ahead. Perhaps you were thinking of pleasures with me when you grabbed your sleeping roll. Perhaps not. But you didn't bring any tools with you. You were going alone into the woods without a knife, fire making materials, a spear, a water bag, not even a rock to throw to protect yourself. You are afraid of this place because you don't know that tools make you nearly invincible out here. As a toolmaker, you should know that better than anyone. Why didn't the man of your hearth teach you this?"  
"He left when I was young."  
"There were no others, not even your mother to teach you these things?"  
"I always went in groups. I'm not really scared out here in a hunting party."  
"But you never had to bring the tools necessary to survive?"  
"I usually carried the water and the food."  
"The men here should be ashamed for leaving you behind."  
"Not everyone has to be strong and independent. We are stronger in a group."  
"We are stronger if we are all strong on our own. You can be strong and make your tools. Now that it is dark, am I less ugly to you?"  
"You are not ugly."  
"Yes I am. You are a handsome young man and I am a hairy halfbreed with a strange head and big ugly teeth. Men of the Clan prefer it from behind so they don't have to look at the woman. Is that the way you would prefer it with me, only seeing the clothing on my back and pretending my dark brown hair belongs to one of your beautiful Sharamadoi women?"  
"You are scary when you talk like that."  
"Scary like a black panther, creeping through the woods, looking to devour you?" She stood and stepped back out of the ring of firelight. He did not hear her moving but her voice moved around him, taunting him. "If the Mother wants you, she will send a creature to take you, no matter where you are. I may be that creature she has sent. I am going to devour that beautiful manly body of yours tonight. I can see that you want that." Each time she spoke his head swiveled trying to figure out where she was. "The fire protects you from them, but not from me. I love the fire light. In the firelight you can see all of me, as the Mother made me."  
She stepped forward into the light without any clothing. He was looking in the opposite direction until she said his name. He only saw her for an instant before disappeared into the shadows again. "My body wants you Darvalo. Will you be able to deny my body what it wants? Answer me Darvalo. Are you mine tonight?"  
He stood and began removing his clothing. "I am yours, Dura of the Clan of the Cave Bear."  
"Such a beautiful man, so ready to please me. Come to me in the darkness. The fire will not protect you any more. Come to me Darvalo. Give yourself to me, and you will never be afraid again." He stepped toward the moving voice. Even in the darkness that swallowed him he could see the safety of the firelight. His arms were forward feeling for trees in his path. Her eyes had adjusted so she could see his outline. She went to him and grabbed him with her entire body in a way that he knew it was her and not one of the other nocturnal animals. She slid down his body and took him into her mouth. In minutes he was filling her mouth with his essence. She disappeared as quickly as she had come to him. "Delicious beautiful man. Did you enjoy being devoured? Was it too quick? I'm not done with you yet Darvalo. That was just a nibble. I have planned an entire feast of your body." Her voice continued to move, then she appeared in the firelight. "Come to me my beautiful delicious man." He stumbled a little trying to get back to the fire too quickly.  
As he emerged into the light she faded to just the edge. "Tell me what you think of my body."  
"You have the most beautiful body I have ever seen."  
"So, mine is the first you have seen?"  
"No. Most girls are heavy or flabby or just too thin. You are thin, but you're more than just bone. You have strong lean muscles in a perfectly proportioned balance. Most thin girls have flat chests, but you have two of the most perfect breasts in all the world."  
"You want to put your mouth on them?"  
"Very much."  
"In the darkness or the firelight?"  
"In the firelight, please let me see you."  
"Lay down on your sleeping roll and close your eyes." He did so without hesitation. She unrolled her sleeping roll at the top of his head and knelt on it. She bent forward and put one of her nipples in his mouth and he sucked it hungrily at first, then more expertly and lovingly. She switched to the other one and then began sucking his nipple in the exact same way he was sucking hers. They went back and forth as their desire built. She felt his hands finally reach up and touch her, starting at her dangling breasts and then onto her back and down to her rear. His fingers explored her wetness with expert tenderness. She lost track of his nipples in her mouth and just moaned with the absolute joy of it all. Kinidar in all her training of him had never been this good. She didn't even realize he had moved when she felt his mouth on her. Dura shook in delight as he kept her on the knife edge of the ultimate pleasure. Her mouth found his hardness, but she could not focus on it as the waves of pleasure danced though her body. Then the world spun and he was on top of her, inside her, looking into her eyes with such animal desire, pounding her deeply and all she could do was wrap her ams and legs around him and take everything he had to give.  
"That was the best I ever had." Dura said in the darkness, holding him closely to her naked body.  
"That was the best I have ever been. I have never felt so alive. You need to stay here with me."  
"I would like to." Dura said, almost believing she could.

In the morning Darvalo woke up to an empty campsite. The folded fresh deerskin was the only thing that remained as proof she had been there. He doused the fire and dressed. He carried his bed roll and the deerskin back to the tool shed. He walked to the edge of the wall and looked across. As much as he wanted her to stay, he knew she was never his.  
He took the deerskin down to Tholie, and then he got into one of the small boats and began paddling upstream. His fear was still there, but he thought with every stroke he that was earning that experience he didn't quite deserve. When he passed the logging camp, and the few on the dock there waved at him, he waved back knowing he had somehow conquered his fear of the river.  
His powerful strokes grew more confident as he nimbly dodged a few large branches and a dead moose carcass. He decided he would turn around at half fish, and then he would spend every night in the woods alone until he was no longer afraid of that.  
He saw her on the shore. She was naked and tying her pack to the top of two small logs for the swim across. "The Mother is truly smiling on me today that I get to see that perfect body one more time." She smiled as he paddled to the shore.  
"Your fear of the water was just a lie to get me in the furs?"  
"No. Lying in the furs with you seems to have rid me of my fear of the water." She appreciated his ability to turn her words. "You asked for a boat ride across, and the great Mother in her wisdom has delivered me to serve you."  
"You are one who serves the Mother now?"  
"I am today. Would you prefer your logs to my boat?"  
She untied the logs and tossed her pack in the boat. She stood knee deep in the flowing river and held the boat. She leaned forward and kissed him. "My beautiful man. If I weren't so ugly, I would stay here with you."  
"If I weren't such a coward, I wouldn't let you leave." He lifted her into the boat and began paddling for the other side, angling up river. "This landing is called half fish. Did Jondalar ever tell you how he caught half a fish?"  
He pulled the boat onto shore and removed his clothes. "You think that is how I should pay for my passage across the river?" Dura asked.  
"If you want. I was just going to go for a swim. This is a nice calm back water. Swimming this river can be very dangerous, but not here." He dove into the dark water and swam with powerful strokes. She thought about just disappearing on him again, not looking forward to saying goodbye. Instead she dove in the water after him and quickly passed him with her expert swimming skills. He grabbed her foot playfully and pulled her back to him. He kissed her and the let her go, regaining the lead in their swim. When he reached the other side of the backwater, he sat on the muddy bottom and looked out across the wide river.  
Dura sat next him and leaned against him. "I shouldn't have left without saying goodbye."  
"It was perfect. I came for this swim so that you could do it again if you wanted to. You want to know something. Before I met you yesterday, I not only did not believe in the spirit world, I did not believe in the Great Earth Mother. I thought we were just put here to suffer and slave until we died, and then we spent the rest of eternity decomposing in the ground. That is what I am most afraid of. That some day I will stop moving but I will still be here inside this body. Everyone will grieve and then they will put me in the ground and shovel dirt onto my face and that will be my eternal darkness. When I stood at the edge of the cliff, I thought about jumping like you said I should. A voice inside me said paddle upstream. When I saw you, I truly knew that the Mother is real and she guided me to you. I think she guided my mouth and my hands last night as well."  
"You will not know how much you have meant to me, because I will never come back this way." She pointed down the river. "I will die someday out there, hopefully after I reach the far end of the land. You Darvalo, will be the one I most look forward to seeing in the spirit world. I want to hear about your long happy life with a woman as beautiful as you are. No, I think it should be many beautiful women."  
"That would mean I would have to travel, the women around here make the sturgeon look sexy." He turned and kissed her and she melted into the dream of what a life with him could be. She pushed him away and then took him into her mouth and took her time bringing him to his end. He tried to make her stop but she insisted on finishing what she was doing.  
"I am done devouring you my beautiful delicious man. This is goodbye until the next world." She swam away and he watched her climb out of the water, dry off that beautiful body, get dressed and walk into flathead territory.

Chapter 8: New Residents

"There are twenty more on the path from Zelandonia." Jonayla said jumping down from her horse. Joplaya was more concerned with the success of the trading mission, but frowned at the news.  
"They were very impressed with your knives Joplaya. They value the carved ivory handles above all."  
"I never thought you would get this much salt for what we sent with you. This is years worth. You have done extremely well."  
"This is only the first load. I have to go back for the fish and the rest of the salt. I left Kinidar there, and I am going to ask mother if I can take Whinnie back with me. Do you want to part with any more of the rendered mammoth fat?"  
"Certainly, and two more knives if you wish to take them."  
"I'll have to take both Whinnie and Racer." She smiled her dazzling smile.  
"What kind of people are coming?" She asked finally.  
"Mostly women, four children able to walk and two babies. None are mixed as far as I could tell."  
"Great Mother. We will never have enough to feed them through the winter, let alone house them."  
"We'll make it work. Has mother talked to you about my first rites?"  
"Dear, why would you ask for him?"  
"I see the way Echazar treats you, and that is what I want in my life. I will understand if you don't wish to share him with me."  
"He will be honored to open you, and I don't think you will be disappointed."  
Jonayla finished unloading the packs and let her horse graze with the others. She ran to her mother's cave to talk about the return trip.  
"I'll go with you." Latie offered.  
"That would be wonderful, but I'd still like to take Whinnie. She handles the travois so much better.  
"I guess it is alright if Latie is going with you. You know I don't like you on the road by yourself."  
"I made Kinidar stay there. He wanted to run with me but he is kind of annoying. One round trip is more than enough. We'll leave at first light. Oh, there are twenty more coming. Probably be here the day after tomorrow. Mostly women and children. One asked about Kotani, so she may be from the northern cave. I know you don't want to send any back, but we don't need any more that think like they do."  
"Jonayla, they only think that way because they don't understand."  
"They better start understanding soon or they will be my next trading mission. How many can be tied to a single travois?"  
"Patience my beautiful, young daughter."  
"That is not me. On that topic, Joplaya says that Echazar will be honored to open me. Can we get that over with tonight?"  
"Get it over with? It is a sacred ceremony."  
"The Great Earth Mother didn't mind springing the whole bleeding once every moon on me. I think she would accept it if we sped this up a little. Wouldn't it be better to travel as a blessed woman of Donii?"  
"You won't be able to ride the horse tomorrow." Latie said, stifling her laugh.  
"Oh. It's that bad?"  
"Not always dear. But Latie's right, if you need to leave tomorrow, it would not be wise to complete the ceremony tonight. And I need more time to prepare your father."  
She let out an exasperated "Fine." And then she went to talk to her friends.  
"Twenty more? Where will they stay?" Latie asked "Here unfortunately. At least until we can make other arrangements. It is a good thing there is an extra bed platform available now."  
"I'm not sure I would have been able to share him, but I am grateful you have. If you change your mind, don't hesitate to tell me."  
"I won't change my mind. Jondalar may not be able to keep up with us though. He'll be happy you will be giving him a few nights off." She smiled knowingly. "He probably had no idea how hard being a herd Stallion was."  
"Speaking of which, I think Racer has impregnated my horse."  
"I didn't even know it was her time. I have had so little time with the horses lately. I am so glad they have you."  
"I am so glad I have them."  
"It will probably be good for Whinnie to have a long trip. We used to travel so much. Now we don't even go to summer meetings."

"So, you are with my parents now?" Jonayla asked as they cantered along the road.  
"Is it weird?"  
"It is a lot more noisy, that's for sure."  
"I'm sorry."  
"Don't be. As soon as I get done with this first rites thing, I plan on making plenty of my own noise. As for the whole sharing the hearth, I think I will take two or three men to mine."  
"Until recently, I would not have understood that at all. But now that I see what I have been missing all these years."  
"Jondalar is that good? I know it is big, but does that make a difference?"  
"Actually it made it worse for me. It turns out I am very small inside. Because he is so big, most woman cannot take all of him, so he had to learn how to know when to stop. Every man before was just a little too long for me, but I didn't know any better so I just got beat up inside and it made me hate it. Durc was different because he always went so slow."  
"I hope he dumps that Kotani bitch. I know you might be happier with my parents now, but Durc deserves better than her and it is obvious he loves you."  
"Obvious?"  
"When we dropped off the baby, the way he looked at you was like Jondalar looks at my mother, or Echazar looks at Joplaya. Someday I will mate a man that looks at me like that."  
Latie corrected her. "Three men." Jonayla laughed.  
They passed the group traveling, barely slowing to wave. "More takers. Did you see the size of that woman. She'll eat all our food stores in the first month. It is amazing she can walk. I haven't see anyone that big since Zelandoni. I wish you could have met her. She was such a wonderful woman. All the other kids were scared of her, but she was like a second mother to me. She might as well have co-mated with my parents for all the time she spent with them."  
"Your mother shared Jondalar before?"  
Jonayla laughed "No, I don't think they ever shared pleasures. I'm not sure he could find her hole in all those rolls of fat. The rumors are she was Jondalar's first love, and when she rejected him, he left on his Journey and found my mother. I know my mother loved her, probably as much as anyone else in her life."  
"I love your mother very much. Probably more than anyone else still alive."  
"When you are co-mates, do you touch each other's woman parts?"  
"No. We hold hands sometimes. Why do you ask?"  
"I was just wondering. I think it would be weird if my three mates were touching each other's man parts instead of focusing all their attention on me. I just thought when you said you loved my mother that maybe you wanted to share pleasures with her."  
"The thing's you think of Jonayla are so… interesting."  
They rode in silence for a while and then stopped at a river for the horses to drink and graze for a while.  
They rode hard in the afternoon and made it to the Ninth cave. They stayed at Marthona's, who was thrilled to have visitors.  
"You should come live with us Nona." Jonayla said. "You can ride one of the horses all the way there."  
"Oh, dear that sounds like it would be fun. I've lived all my life here and this is where I will end my days on this earth."

"I am Dylano of the 11th cave. I would like to ask the people of the Lanzadonii to accept me and my traveling companions as new members of your cave." The entire leadership council of the Lanzadonii and many others had walked down to meet the new group at the notch which formed the entrance to their long valley.  
"I am Joplaya, leader of the Lanzadonii. On behalf of Donii, the Great Earth Mother, I greet you Dylano. We will shoulder your burden the rest of the way. We have prepared a feast in your honor." Joplaya said the words, but knew that this was a dangerous burden they were taking on. Few of these people looked like producers of anything but more mouths to feed. Ayla recognized some of the faces. These were the lower status people hoping to gain status by joining a new cave. Jondalar helped them put their packs on the travois behind Racer. The stallion was less than thrilled being near all these strange new people. Durc did his best to keep the animal calm.  
"Kotani. Kotani!" The woman with her small child at hand yelled to get the woman's attention. Kotani cringed when she saw Melora.  
"Melora. Why have you come to visit?" Kotani offered her hands. "It is so late in the season, you will have to head back very soon to stay ahead of the snows."  
Melora smiled. "We will stay the winter with you. If you must send us away, that is when we will go, Kotani. Don't worry, I can carry my pack the rest of the way on my own." She started to walk past her but Kotani stopped her. She looked at her with her penetrating, angry gaze. Melora was unflinching and still smiling. Kotani took her pack from her. "Our cave is this way." She led them up a side path away from the main group.  
Durc wondered why she was taking the woman and child separately away from the group. He could not find out because he had both children in carriers on his chest and was trying to hang on to the lead rope of an increasingly annoyed Racer. He decided he would find out soon enough.  
Ayla circulated among the newcomers, learning their names and brief stories of why they left their homes. Some lied and told her what they thought she wanted to hear. Others were honest that their caves no longer wanted them. One bright eyed woman named Denara with a baby told Ayla that she had heard so many good things about the Lanzadonii.  
"When my mate decided to sever the knot, I just knew this would be a better place for Isa and me."  
"Iza?"  
"That's short for Isadara. But I like to call her Isa."  
"Iza is a good name. Welcome Denara. What will you like to do here at the Lanzadonii?"  
"I can do just about anything, but I am really good with the spear thrower. I made my own." She pulled it out of her pack and handed it to Ayla. I was twelve when I first saw you and Jondalar demonstrate yours at the summer meeting. I knew I wanted to learn how to be just as good as you. I broke my last spear two days ago killing an onager that fed us on our final day of travel. I am really good at making spears, but I haven't seen the right kind of wood for most of the trip."  
"We use the saplings up near the flint mine. Jondalar will show you where tomorrow. Were you the only one hunting?"  
"Yes. They were lucky I decided to come along. They would have starved halfway here. Not one of them had a fire stone either. At least I didn't have to cook what I caught. I'm pretty much worthless in the cooking area.  
"We have plenty who can cook, not as many who can hunt. You may be very busy for the next moon."  
"I hope so. It is so nice to actually meet you. I have to say you have been my hero. I had no skills to be Zelandonia, or I would have followed you there too."  
"There are far too many Zelandonia. Your skills are far more useful than theirs. Come with me and meet our hunt leader."  
'Kotani is another of my heroes."  
"Denara. I didn't see you in the group. It will be good to have your skill here."  
"I can't believe you remember my name."  
"I always remember those who have skill. You took down that bison from half a field away. I could not have made that throw a fatal one."  
"It was just lucky."  
"I always prefer lucky hunters over the ones that tell you how good they are."  
"I'm sorry I don't have any spears with me, but I can make some tomorrow."  
"Spears we have. Tomorrow we hunt." She clasped the young woman's shoulder and pulled her over to meet the other hunters.  
At least one of the twenty is not completely useless. Ayla thought, seeking out the next new face.

"I told Latie you would appreciate a night off from servicing two women." She said to Jondalar after everyone was settled in.  
"I have to say it is tiring, but in a way, I have not felt this alive since our early days. Remember when we came down off the glacier in the bowl boat?"  
"I could never forget that."  
"It's not as exciting as that, but close. I guess you will just have to take the pleasure for two women tonight."  
"If I have to."

"I understand she is your friend, I don't understand why she is in our cave." Durc said.  
"I am nursing both your children, one of which is not even mine, and you want to know why I invited a friend to stay with me?"  
"Is this just temporary or…"  
"She is staying here, with us, in this cave, all winter. If you want to move to your mother's, feel free to do so. There is probably room for you to sleep with the other newcomers." Durc had been there and knew there was no room for anyone there.  
"I am just trying to understand."  
"Understand what? That I told you this place was too small for Latie and her child, but now it it is big enough for Melora and hers? If you don't know why I don't want Latie here, then you are an imbecile. Now take her child and wash her and rock her to sleep." Durc was amazed at how tender she was with Latie's child despite her harsh words. She even kissed the girl on the forehead before handing her over. Durc left the cave with his young daughter.  
"I'm sorry to be so much trouble." Melora said with a smile, enjoying the sight of Kotani's breasts.  
"No, you're not. If you make my life more difficult, you are gone. Do you understand?" Kotani said angrily.  
"Perfectly." She opened her tunic to reveal her large breasts. "I can feed both your babies while you are hunting tomorrow. Let's see Durc try that."  
"You are still a beautiful woman Melora. I am glad you are here."  
"I thought you might be. Sweet dreams my love."

"Are you capable of being quiet for any amount of time? No wonder Dura brought you back and left you here." Jonayla snapped after they had been walking with the horses most of the day. He shut up finally. "Thank the Mother for another miracle, Kinidar's silence."  
"You are a lot meaner since you became a woman." Kinidar said.  
"You are a lot more annoying since you learned how to talk. I'm sorry. I think my moon time is coming again. Which just means another delay to my first rites."  
"I can take care of that for you." Kinidar offered for the twentieth time.  
"I'm gonna give you last rites. Where's my spear thrower?" Jonayla said with mock rage. Kinidar ran ahead to get away from the very real possibility of getting skewered.  
"I take it he will not be one of your three co-mates." Latie said.  
"Not if he was that last man on Earth. You should hear some of the freaky stuff he did with Dura on their Journey."  
"Freaky? Like what?"  
"I'm trying to forget it. Ask him. He'll be thrilled to tell you about it."  
"If you had first rites before we left, would you have have shared his furs?"  
"Not a chance. I wanted that fisherman with the big forearms."  
"He stank."  
"Yeah. It would have been awesome."  
"Why did you choose Echazar?"  
"Partly because he is so nice, partly because he would never get chosen for anyone, and mostly because I wonder what it would be like with a man of the Clan."  
"It isn't that different, though neither of them are full Clan. I was close to some of the Clan men, and they are incredibly powerful."  
"Yeah, awesome. Are you asking if I'll be mad if you share your furs with Kinidar tonight?"  
"No… would you be?"  
"It will make me barf if I have to listen to it."  
Kinidar came running back just before sunset. "I made a fire at rocky point if you want to keep going after it gets dark. Otherwise there is a stream up ahead."  
"Let's push through. There is a full moon tonight and the horses seem alright since we dropped all that extra weight at the Ninth cave. I wish we left even more there." Jonayla said, meaning Kinidar.  
"Are you still mad at me?"  
"No, just trying to be funny. Hey Kinidar, have you ever tasted breast milk?"  
"When I was a baby. Why?"  
"Jonayla!" Latie said angrily.  
"Latie needs to keep her milk flowing and was wondering if you would be willing to nurse for a while."  
"I am going to get my spear thrower." Latie said in embarrassment.  
"What? You want to share his furs, and you said you were tired of nursing yourself. Two birds, one stone. Kinidar, Latie has recently been opened to the gift of Donii's pleasures. She was wondering if you would be willing to show her some of your more freaky skills. I know she's really too old for you, but maybe you could help her out." Latie turned bright red and gave Jonayla a very angry look. "I'm the new trade master. You each have something the other wants, I am trying make the best deal possible."  
"I hope you can sleep with fingers in your ears." Latie finally said to her. Jonayla just smiled back in the fading light of day.

"It is what Jonayla wants. You have no say in this." Ayla said with finality.  
"Then why didn't you tell me after it was over. Now I just have to think about it until it actually happens."  
"I told you because I don't want you to go into some crazy rage about it. They should be back soon, and it will likely happen in the next quarter moon. Why don't you get on Racer and go visit your mother before winter."  
"I have too much to do here."  
"No, you don't." Ayla said this in a way that let Jondalar know she wasn't making a suggestion. He nodded, knowing what she was really saying.  
"I will leave in the afternoon after the hunt. Have you talked to Durc lately?"  
"It just keeps getting more complicated. I hope the new structures get finished soon. I want my home back."

"Hi father, come to check up on us?" Jonayla said as he met them on the trail.  
"No, I am on my way to the Ninth cave."  
"Good, I was going to suggest that. You should throw her over your shoulder and bring her back here."  
"I wish I could. Anything interesting happen on your adventure?"  
"Latie made Kinidar cry."  
"Jonayla, are you capable of not talking about things that don't involve you?"  
"Capable, absolutely. Willing? Not a chance. Kinidar was helping Latie keep her breast milk flowing… with his mouth." Jondalar's eyebrow's went up in amusement. "As we were walking today Latie mentioned that her milk flows when she hears a baby cry. So Kinidar, in further attempts to be helpful, tried to cry like a baby. It didn't work, in case you were wondering."  
"I wasn't, but I'd love to help you out with your problem Latie." Jondalar gave Latie his best piercing look.  
"Great. Now the wrong end is flowing. Get out of here Jondalar before I take you up on your offer."  
He looked at Jonayla, wanting to say something more. "I love you Jonayla."  
"I love you too, father."  
"Someday I am going to get you back for that." Latie said menacingly.  
"I will never expose myself to that level of humiliation. Waaaa, waaaaa." Jonayla imitated a crying baby.  
Latie reached inside her shirt. "That actually worked. Keep going." Soon they were all laughing too hard to walk.

"Mother, there are people in my bedroom."  
"You'll stay in our room until the shelters are built."  
"Who knows what you mares will do when the stallion is away at his mother's. I'll stay at Hevati's." She gathered up her sleeping roll and some clothes and left."  
"She's mad at me because of first rites?"  
"She had her eye on a certain fisherman with large forearms."  
Ayla closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "And the part about the mares?"  
"She wanted to know if co-mates touched each other's woman parts."  
Ayla laughed. "I don't even touch my own woman parts. What will that girl think of next?"  
"I think you should know, I was intimate with Kinidar. That is exactly the same face Jondalar made."  
"I'm sorry, was it" she giggled "pleasurable?"  
"After I told him not to push in all the way it was."  
"I'm glad. He's still hung up on Dura. Are you going to continue to see him?"  
"I don't think so. I am old enough to be his mother."  
"Men are in short supply these days now that we added twelve more women."  
"Are all of them as worthless as me?"  
"You are not worthless Latie. You just went on a trading mission and you hunt better than most here. There was one hunter and one builder. The rest will need to be trained."  
"Do you want me to stay with Kinidar?"  
"Only for his sake. Jondalar will be very disappointed if you are not here when he returns. We both missed you."  
"I missed you too. Actually, I think I am going to lie down now."  
"It is noisy in there with all the extra people."  
"I slept next to Talut most of my life. I can sleep through anything."  
"I loved his laugh. Goodnight Latie."

"Don't be nervous Echazar. I asked for you." Jonayla said.  
"I've only been with Joplaya. I have never… opened a woman."  
She stood on her toes and kissed him. "It will be something new for both of us." She began undressing herself. "Just pretend I am her. Kiss me like she likes to be kissed." Echazar closed his eyes and then began loving the young body as he loved his precious Joplaya. Ayla watched from behind the screen and found herself deeply moved by the man she found so handsome because of his Clan features. He was as good as Jondalar, though not as large. Jonayla had a good start to her womanhood, she had chosen well.  
She had her hand on his cheek, feeling the soft beard and the contours of his face. "Thank you Echazar. That was better than I ever dreamed it would be. I hope I find a man just like you for my hearth." If tears could have formed in his eyes, they would have. As instructed he wiped her blood off of his member with a small soft deerskin. He took his clothes and went to the next room to put them on. Ayla came around the screen and embraced her daughter.  
"Now you are a woman my beautiful daughter." They both wept and Ayla helped her get dressed in the new outfit she made for just this occasion. Joplaya and Latie were there as she emerged from the ceremonial room. She hugged Joplaya tightly and thanked her. They had a quiet feast with just the important women in her life. She told them what Marthona had said, all wishing she had been here tonight as well.  
Joplaya, normally withdrawn in such circumstances, shared her intimate story of being opened. "I couldn't stop giggling. He was only sixteen and his manhood had a really sharp curve to the left. He was upset that I was laughing at him, which I really wasn't. I was just so nervous, and the more I tried to stop laughing the more I needed to. When he first sucked hard on my tiny breast I stopped giggling. That felt so incredible. Then he pushed himself inside of me, but he had trouble, I think because of the curve." She looked at Ayla. "I'm sorry. But I had dreamed of Jondalar ever since I met him." Ayla smiled and took her hand, letting her know it was alright. "It was wrong because he was my close cousin, it was wrong because he looked so much like the man of my hearth. But I wanted it to be him, and this boy was no Jondalar. It was destined to be a disappointment, but he finally broke through and I was able to stifle my giggles until he left. I was now free to choose any man I wanted, except for the one I really wanted. I came home from the summer meeting and there weren't many to chose from. Echazar was so kind and tender and he absolutely cherished me. I used him, imagining he was Jondalar. Eventually I opened my eyes and accepted it was he that gave me so much pleasure and made me feel so loved."  
"He was perfect." Jonayla said.  
"I have grown to love him as he deserves to be loved. It was tough having Jondalar near again. But he would never make me feel the way Echazar does, because he only loves you Ayla."  
"I was raised by Clan. I learned to measure beauty by the way they look. I was big and ugly, Clan men were strong and handsome. Of course Jondalar is a beautiful man, he made the most beautiful daughter. But to me, Echazar is the most handsome man. He has the strong features of the men I was raised by and grew to love. He was every bit the lover Jondalar ever was, and maybe something more. I questioned Jonayla's choice, but she knew better than I."  
"I thought it was a strange choice too. Like you were trying to prove you had no prejudice against the mixed ones." Latie said.  
"That was part of it. I am lucky to have grown up seeing examples of men who use women, and men who love… cherish the women they love. In the Clan, I would not have had that choice as mother did not. He is handsome, and I am glad he was my first."  
"With the last of Marthona's wine, I drink to your long life and health and the many pleasures that will follow from this gift of the Mother." They all sipped the wine, savoring an art that was probably lost.

"Marthona walks the next world." Jondalar told those that had gathered on his return.  
"Was it four days ago?" Ayla asked.  
"How did you know?"  
"Dalonar went with her." Joplaya said. He had been gone to them for more than a year, doing little more than eating and staring at the wall.  
"That will be a new verse to the songs they sing about them." Jonalya said, hugging her father. "I hope they sing songs about me and my many great loves."  
"I am happy with just my one great love." Ayla said embracing her mate.  
"There was snow on the ground at rocky point. I think winter has finally arrived. Are the new dwellings complete?"  
"Almost. There are still three women living at the mammoth hearth."  
"I am looking forward to sleeping at the stallion hearth tonight." He squeezed Ayla's behind and gave Latie a knowing look.  
"I guess I'm moving back to Hevati's" Jonayla said, shaking her head with a knowing smile.  
"Let's go see what we can do to finish those dwellings." Jondalar announced, heading down the hill.

"I know what I saw." Durc said.  
"You knew I liked a variety of pleasures before you mated me. I still give you pleasure, don't I?"  
Not really, Durc thought to himself. With the mammoth hearth almost empty, he could move there and be with Latie. He left his bedroll, not wanting to give up his home to her and her lover. He put on his parka and went out into the cold windy night. On entering the dark dwelling of his mother, he heard the passionate sounds of Jondalar having returned. He crept in quietly, letting his eyes adjust, and found his way to an empty bed platform with a roll of furs at the end. He stretched out and covered himself, knowing Latie was nearby at one of the occupied beds. If he had known which, he would have crawled in next to her. It could wait until morning. The sounds died down except for a few giggles. Then he heard much more familiar moans coming from the same room. That was Latie, he was certain. He was just as certain he had heard his mother's less familiar sounds of pleasure. After some time there was no doubt they were both being pleasured by the tall blond man. Worse, he had never heard Latie's sounds of ecstasy that followed the familiar moans he knew.  
Durc was back to no women in his life at the beginning of a long winter. He could not take any more humiliation. He went back to his home and crawled in with the two women. It was the same arrangement, but a completely different reception than what Jondalar received. Within a few days he was sleeping alone on the spare bed platform, a guest in his own home. Melora was settled in at the main hearth.

The first blizzard proved the arrangement of the dwellings and the firewood supply. Latie was far more used to extreme cold winters, so she tended to the horses more than the others.  
Her mare was definitely pregnant, so she got extra feed and plenty of melted water. Durc rarely came to visit his daughter, and Latie assumed he was content in his life with Kotani. Despite her initial warm greeting, Kotani made it clear that Latie was not ever going to be a friend. During a mid winter break in the weather, Kotani organized an overnight hunting party to Dura's cave, which overlooked a broad plain. If there were any animals to be found, they would be easy to spot.  
Durc was annoyed that Kurc was left in Melora's care, so he petulantly took the child and went to the mammoth hearth. Kurc did not like the cold wind and began crying. Regardless what he did the baby continued to cry. Latie finally asked in an exasperated voice. "When was he last fed?"  
"I don't know."  
"How could you not know? When did Kotani leave?"  
"At dawn."  
"Then he's probably hungry. Bring him here." Kurc quieted as soon as he found the offered nipple. "It's going to be a while, you don't have to hover." He went back and sat down.  
"So, how are things here?" Durc asked.  
"As good as they can be. It is a little lonely since all the new people moved out. I'm used to a lodge full of people all winter, not this occasional drop in of people, many I don't really know."  
"At least you have Ayla and Jondalar."  
"Yes. They have been very kind to me. It isn't what I expected when I decided to come here, but it could have been much worse, I guess."  
"Yeah, you could have ended up with me." He mumbled under his breath.  
"What?"  
"Nothing."  
"How are things with you? Not that I really care. Kurc is certainly healthy."  
"Everything is fine." He said, wishing he could tell her the truth, and knowing she would delight in his misfortune.  
"Fine? Why didn't you go hunting?"  
"I… wasn't invited."  
"I would think they'd need every strong back if they are successful."  
"You would think. I'm sorry, Melora could have fed him. I shouldn't have come here." He crossed the room to retrieve the child.  
"He's not finished. Your daughter is right there if you feel the need to hold a child."  
Durc looked at her, pulling back the soft wrap. "She's sleeping, I don't want to disturb her."  
"I understand you don't want to be near me Durc. Will she grow up a stranger to you as well?"  
"I'm sorry. Of course not. If you stay I will do what I can to be…" He trailed off wondering if he would be here and if so, what he could do. He left one child behind with the Clan. He let the other run off to see the world alone. The third he abandoned, now twice. The fourth had two mothers and no need for him.  
"Be what? A man she sees at gatherings?"  
"I'm no man." He motioned in disgust, going back to sit down and looking at the floor.  
"Why do you lie to me?"  
He looked at her in confusion.  
"I am one of the few people that knows how much of a man you are. I came across the world for you because you were the man I wanted to be with."  
"You came across the world and found a woman, mated to a man with breasts who gave birth to my child. I stay home and mother it while she goes out and provides for us. No surprise that she would replace one woman with another. And you found a real man to replace me as well. There is no man inside this body. There is a barely a person left in here."  
"Poor little Durc. Lost and alone, surrounded by people who love him. Go throw yourself in the river again if you want to be with her. You throw your life away and leave us here alone like she left you. No, she didn't leave you, she died for you and you aren't even willing to live for us. You make me sick. Take your precious child back to your home and leave us alone."  
Durc took the child from her outstretched arms and wrapped him up carefully. He hesitated at the door and then went back out into the cold. Latie lay down on the furs and sobbed her despair.

A blizzard blew up that night and the hunting party was trapped in Dura's cave with little food and wood to burn. It was used more as a summer hunting shelter because it had such a commanding view of bountiful hunting grounds and good ventilation for smoky fires to dry the meat. The ventilation worked against them in the blowing cold of winter. They had all been dressed warmly, but it was not enough to prevent severe damage if they stayed exposed too long. The harsh wind prevented the snow from building up an insulating shell. Even a simple tent may have been enough to protect them from the worst of the storm. The ten hunters huddled together in a dark corner, taking turns on the worst side of the group.  
Kotani spent far more than her share on the outer ring because she was responsible. Her thoughts reflected on her sins, as they always did when the Mother punished the people she was supposed to protect. She wished she could trade her life for these nine other lives to be spared, but she began to doubt any would survive. Her child had been a blessing. She owed that blessing to the ugly little man that she treated so terribly. Was that her sin? Or was it finding pleasure in Melora's body? It was even better than she remembered it had been. Giving birth to an abomination was one of the worst sins, but her beautiful boy was no abomination. Her shivering began to slow and she finally was able to fall asleep.

The End … until Journey's End.


End file.
